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 Life have so many ups and downs

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cajunmeme

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PostSubject: Life have so many ups and downs   Sat 28 May 2011, 4:00 pm



It seems when things are rolling along things come up you didn't see coming. Then there are things we see coming and can do nothing about it.

I'm not sure how to begin so I'll just write.

My daug. visit was great. During that time we talked about her moving back and such.

My son who is the one that has my grandson that I spend alot of time with has on and off dabbed into drugs. He knows not to come around me like that. He has a great job making good money and I can tell when he is in addict mode. It's usually on a weekend. His wife on the under hand is a mess. A whole different story.
While my daug. was here my son made himself sparse which is unusual. I knew once she left he would feel guilty and some how it would be others fault that he didn't spend time with his sister. So,last night he started saying how no one included him with any plans,which is all BS. I told him to take that attitude out of here and he immed. said it was probably a miscommunication.

He had called me a few days ago and asked if I was getting my Suboxone paid by the Ins. now. I told him yes and he asked me what it cost? I knew,he was trying to find out the cost on the streets. He asked if 15.00 was a high price. I told him I guess if u buy it on the streets. I asked him if it was the film or pill. He said pill. I know from the past that he likes to snort drugs. I've seen the past few days his attitude and I pray he stops this ASAP.

My son was into drugs heavily when we were in Ga. When he came back to La. he cleaned himself up and has done great. I know for a fact his wife is always after him to get her something b/c she is always in pain. BS..anyone in pain all the time will go to the Dr. There was a time I use to share my pills with her. Since I no longer do this she has very lil to do with me. She speaks very negative about me now as well. I was like a mother to her and she knows she has messed up.

For the past month we have thought her 17yr old daug. Which is my step grdaug. is pregnant. Now,this is a girl that will not go to school or work. No matter how much my son and her fight over this. She actually,wants to be pregnanat and doesn't understand why everyone is upset. Her mother doesn't get it either. All her pregnancy test are coming back negative. Many woman go months with out a period but I think she is playing this out thinking she don't have to do anything with her life. It's a mess and I'm trying to stay out of it as much as possible.

My grandson told me that his mother keeps trying to get him to smoke pot. Yep,u heard me the mother trying to get the 13yr old to smoke pot. I could tell my son this but I've done it before and he left her and went right back to her. she would turn it around and make my grandson a liar. i also don't want to put my grandson where he will not tell me things thinking I will get him in trouble.
He spends most of his free time with me and knows his mother is as he says "shot out".

I know,my son will get a grip on what he is doing but as long as he is with her she will pull him down and he just doesn't see it or he sees it and chooses to stay in denial.
All I feel at this time I can do is keep my grandson with me as much as possible.

There is so much more but I think you can get some of what I'm saying.

Then I get this crazy chick to show up at my house out of the blue that I was in treatment with telling me about the 7-8 sub pills she takes a day. Is she crazy?

I'm in the process of getting me a counselor.

We also having a really hard time finicially. It may not seem much to some but the 500.00 I had to put out for the Suboxone hurt us not to mention good old IRS wanting there money.

I'm thinking what I probably need to do is call my Care Coach. Write in my journal and put some of these things in my God Box.

All I want is peace. I can't control anyone else but it's hard to not worry when it comes to your kids.

Thank you all so much for allowing me to vent.

Love to you all

Marie
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PostSubject: Re: Life have so many ups and downs   Sun 29 May 2011, 4:11 pm







Hi Marie,
Venting can be a great resource for getting our thoughts where we need them to be. And sometimes when you vent you could actually be helping someone who is in the same situation.
I think getting a counselor is a really good idea. For the first two years of my recovery I didn't have one. Didn't want one and didn't need one. My attitude was not very realistic back then either.
I'd tried counseling years before. One counselor told me that my abusive husband was passive and I was the aggressive one in the relationship. She would often get mad at me for not crying during sessions and then ended up telling me that she didn't think I was an addict.

I let one or two bad experiences effect my thinking. I am always telling people to keep trying, when you have a problem with a provider or your counselor and they aren't the fit your looking for. Don't give up. Back then I didn't think that way.

The counselor that I have now has helped me in so many ways. I am the type of person who needs someone that can be aggressive when they need to be and listen when I need them to. My provider played a big role in placing me with the one I have now.She has a great nack for matching people to therapists that would be good for them.

I'm sorry that I got off what I was saying. Sometimes I get to talking and one thing leads to another.

Your grandson sounds like such a precious child. It's good for him to be able to connect with some sort of normal in his life. Years from now, he will remember that normal stability that you have provided for him. Even little things like sitting down to dinner at the same time sitting around the table with you and your husband will be a memory he will treasure. Small things make a big difference.

Is your son trying to buy Suboxone? This might be a good oportunity for you to talk to him about getting into a Suboxone Program for himself. Using Suboxone that he buys off the street, is risky.
If he's getting it for his wife. He needs to know that getting Suboxone for her is not safe. If she is using and takes Suboxone it will put her into precipitated withdrawal.

These are all thing you already know. I appreciate your opeining up to us and talking about what is going through your mind. It is hard not to worry about our children, as parents we are supposed to take are of them and make things safer in this world for them. I don't care how old they get, moms are moms and that is what we do.

Is your daughter still planning on moving to LA this summer?
Take care and remember to do only what you can. You are an amazing woman and don't you forget it.

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PostSubject: Re: Life have so many ups and downs   Mon 30 May 2011, 10:48 am





Good morning Marie,
I hope things are going good for you today and that you are enjoying this holiday weekend. Today being memorial day it brings back a lot of memories for me of family that I miss and friends that I've lost because of overdoses and just not being able to deal with life anymore.

I am blessed to have the family that I have and even though we don't have much we have each other. I love you


Your son has been on my mind & after reading a post that you made in another area to Beth about your move, I can't help but to think back to the first time I moved to Vermont. I was using back then, I had moved here to try and get myself straightened out once again. My son was 18 moths old back then and I brought him with me. His father was in jail but was in a work release program. My youngest daughter his full sister was three and I let her stay with her grandmother so that she could see her dad when he was able to come home on the weekends. She was daddy's girl and I wanted him to be able to have something to look forward to each week.
I did well for while, got off drugs and got a job. Not long after I started work I was also able to find an apartment and things looked good. Better than they had in years.
My son's father finished up what he had to do and when he did he and my daughter joined us. All was well for about two weeks.
I didn't know at the time but he was still using. Even back in work release he was able to fool his way around the UA's and what not. Not long after, I started back using again.
First pain pills every now and then until one pill lead to another and so on.

It wasn't his fautl that I started to use again but when you have one person using and one trying to stay clean can make things so hard. Usually before too long the one who is trying to keep whatever bit of clean time they have looses what little control they have and it's like that clean time never happened.

You said you are worried about your son, and with great reason. He is a man trying to stay clean while in a relationship with a woman who is using. It's not too late for your son but your right, he needs to stop. He needs to stop before something happens that causes him to loose that precious little boy that he has.
I don't know what to tell you that will help you know what to say to him. I am keeping him in my prayers. Your grandson deserves so much more than what he is given. Our children didn't ask to live the life they're delt in this world but it is up to us as adults to make sure they're protected and given every opportunity that life has to offer.
Your son sounds like a fine young man and one who has much love for his son. He seems to be torn between what is right and his love for his wife.
I don't have much else to say, it's strange. When I started this post, my mind was talking a mile a minute but now it's like it's shut down and the words have stopped.
I hope you have a good day today. I think for me, it's going to be a lazy one inside where the AC can spoil me a little. Smile



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