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 Ashame and in trouble

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cajunmeme

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PostSubject: Ashame and in trouble   Thu 02 Jun 2011, 1:35 pm



This is really hard for me to write this to u guys.

My Dr...the one I've had trouble with. Well,I had a appt. come Wed of next week. On my last visit he said I could increase my dosage if I needed to b/c he forgot about setting the computer for this month for the increase. I've taken the extra mostly b/c of my pain. I was in such pain a few days ago I could hardly get out of bed.
The nurse called yesterday to say they had to push my appt. back another week. I told her I would run out and she got all snooty with I should not be running out. I told her what the Dr. said and she said there was nothing they could do. I'll have to wait for 2 weeks.

My addict thinking went like this....

I have a script I could get on Vicoden and I thought about having it filled. I could get it filled at another pharmacy and not thru my Ins. so the Ins. would not know. Then I got to thinking that this Dr. knew of all the meds I was on before I went there. I don't know if he just checks thru the Ins. or thru the entire DEA thing they have. I know if I get that script filled I'll be freaking out worrying about him finding out. I also,do NOT want to go back to doing this again.

I'm horrified thinking about going thru W/D. Mostly I'm angry with myself and I'm ashamed to have to come here and tell you gals who have been so kind to me.

The past 2 months I have felt so good and to think about what's going to become of me just makes me disgusted with myself.

There is no way I can tell them anything more b/c all over his office it says No early refills EVER.

Honestly,if I thought I could get away with getting the Vicoden i would just so I wouldn't have to go thru W/D and then get back on the Sub and try to start all over again.

i don't know what's going to become of me but I'm a idiot.
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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Thu 02 Jun 2011, 3:04 pm

Marie,
You are not an idiot. Never think that.
I remember when you talked to the doctor about raising your dose of Suboxone and because he had already printed the script he said it was too late. Which is actually a crock of crap. What kind of doctor walks into a room with the patients prescription already printed out BEFORE he sees that patient that day.
One that is full of Quack that what.

This doctor is clearly not thinking with your best interest in mind but about how much money he can make off of each patient he sees.
And there is something the nurse can do about it. She can and should talk with the doctor and see what they can do to help you. He is after all your doctor.
I am so angry after reading your post. And I hate it too.

The whole purpose behind prescribing Suboxone is to help addicts. Not to make money!! Hell they make enough money prescribing other opiates.
We have got to get you to another provider ASAP. This is one provider that really should be reported.
Is there anyway that you can cut your dose down and try to stretch it.
You don't want to take any chances with filling a script of Vicodin. If you provider should decide to run a UA on you it could show up and he could drop you from his program.
I just don't know what to say. But your not an idiot, he is.

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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Thu 02 Jun 2011, 3:29 pm



Dee,
Thanks for responding so quickly.

I'm in a panic. I only have one film left. If I get the Vicoden I'm not concerned too much about the UA b/c I could stop a few days before. I'm just now sure if he will check to see if I've gotten any other than thru my Ins.

I'm not wanting to do this to get high..Not at all.

I don't want to be sick and in really bad pain.

I don't know what to do but I know I don't like this or want to go back to this.

I think next time if I'm able to stay in the program I'm going to give them to my husband so I won't be tempted to take more when my pain is bad

I don't know
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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Thu 02 Jun 2011, 3:40 pm

Not sure if the doctor would check or not. But if you fill a prescription at the same pharmacy as the one where you get your Suboxone, that pharmacist is liable to call your provider and tell them about it.

If you could cut that one strip into fours that would give you about 2mg per day and should keep the withdrawals away. But that's only giving you four more days not 2 weeks. If you don't take anything for a couple of days you would probably be ok withdrawal wise. But you would have your pain to deal with. That is a total of 6 days. Still not 2 weeks.

I don't know what else to say except to call that office. There has to be something that nurse can do besides flap her gums. Excuse me for not being very professional right now, I'm still angry over the whole thing.
You should have never been put into the position by the provider and when he told you to take extra if you had to, he should have made a notation in your chart.

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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Thu 02 Jun 2011, 4:06 pm




This is what i did.
I'm actually shaking as i'm writing. I called the Dr. that I can get the Vicodan and asked her to clal it to a different pharmacy b/c it would be easier to pick up wiht my knee being so bad..
I HATE this lying.
I'm going to ask my husband to pick it up and he can use his Dr.Lic . you know,how they want a Dr.Lic. I don't know if that will make a diiference or not.

i think what I have left for the Suboxone I'll save to take the day before I go to the Sub Dr. and if he does find out I'll have to be honest and tell him I've called his office. i have called twice today and yesterday and no one calls me back.

Then I'm going to try to line me up another Dr. which I need to do anyway in case they throw me out.

OMG,You don't know how I hate this. I thought I was finished.

Thank you so much that I can be so honest. My husband is not going to like this b/c he was really liking how I was doing.
Hell,I was liking how I was doing.
Perhaps I'll give them to him and just try to take as prescribed.
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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Fri 03 Jun 2011, 11:24 am






Hi Marie,
How are things going this morning? When I first read your last post I thought your husband was a doctor. I had completely forgotten about having to show I.D when picking up a prescription for a narcotic. When I lived in Alabama we had to do that but here you don't. So I thought you were saying he had to show his Dr. license instead of drivers license.
Any luck with the doctor?
If you have to take the Vicodin don't forget to wean yourself off before re starting your Suboxone.
And please don't beat yourself up over this. Sometimes it happens. What is important is that you work towards finding another provider as soon as possible. You can use the physician locator that we have on the website. There is one where you can type in information about yourself and I would definitely put information in there that you are looking for a provider that cares about their patients.

Once you have it submitted a provider should call or send you an email within 2 weeks. It is always up to you if of whether or not you decided to use that particular provider.
Please let me know how your doing ok. I have some work that I need to get done on the website today as I haven't done it in awhile. I've been kind of taking it easy since my last ER visit but it's time to get back to work. study
We have some people looking over the websites and work needs to be done with Deborah being out during her recovery from surgery in April and my ER trip things haven't gotten done like they should.
Have a good day!
Dee


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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Fri 03 Jun 2011, 3:55 pm


Hi Marie!

Sorry I haven't read this post until this afternoon & didn't get back to you sooner. I feel so badly that you are having to go through this situation right now. Or go through it at all really! I am so pissed at your doctors office & their lack of help for you to get through this ordeal. That is what he is there for- to help you through these times! Evil or Very Mad I hate to see you have to go back onto the Vicodin for even a short time BC of the withdrawals that it can cause, not to even mention the deception that it requires of you when you are trying SO HARD to get away from that lifestyle & have been succeeding so very well at doing it! Yet, I do understand that there are times that you have to do what you have to do.. Please just be careful & remember that this is NOT YOUR FAULT even one little bit. Your doctors office has completely dropped the ball on his behalf! Yet, it is not him that it is going to affect, but you & only you- his patient! It just makes me so mad that his office will not even take the time to check with the doctor about what he had told you previously about increasing your dosage. You certainly do need another Provider & ASAP! I wish that there was more that I could say or do for you to get you through this time period, but I am at a loss for words that he can actually get away with doing this to you! Please just don't beat yourself up over something that you have NO control over (easier said than done, I definitely know that!) & remember how far you have already come with your recovery, knowing that you CAN & WILL get to this point again very soon!! (and hopefully with a doctor who understands that being a doctor means caring about your patients- not just their money!!!) I am always here if you need to talk.

Hang in there my friend!
Much Love & Strength,
Beth
I love you
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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Sat 04 Jun 2011, 11:35 pm

[b][i]

Hi Beth,I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get back to you. I feel dead inside. I don't feeI have much to offer.
I'm funtioning but that inner peace is all shot to hell.

I'm working on finding me another Dr. I need to find one that takes my Ins. I'm going to call my Ins. to see if I have to pay for it if it's going to take appeal after appeal every month to get my money back. If it's not too much and it's a good Dr. I'll try to find a way to pay for it.
I need to have a Dr. that I can depend on. When I call the office for them to answer the phone or at least call me back. I don't want to take the chance of something like this to happen again.
I had called about having a X-Ray on my bad knee and I've not been able to even get them to call me back about that. This was before all this other stuff happened. There is no good reason for them to not return my calls.....NONE.

I put my name on the site Dee gave me and there is another one I found as well. I may ahve to travel some but as long as it's once a month it will be worth it. I should have known this was too good to be true.

Anyway,I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you. If I get to feeling better I'll come back to chat.

I do want to say how sorry I'am that you having such a hard time with family. I swear family is the worse sometimes.
I've been thru similiar to what you going thru with your daughter. I wasn't using back then but her grandmother insisted she would be better for my daughter than I was. It was a tug of war with everything I did. It took my daug. getting older to see the real truth and when she did she felt horrible of the way she had treated me.
Teen years is a rough time to deal with anad when u have family that feel the need to get in the middle of it only makes it worse.
Hang in there and she will come to realize the good mother that she has. She just needs to grow up some more to see it.

I hope you have a good weekend.

Love,
Marie
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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Sun 05 Jun 2011, 4:07 pm

[i][b]

A lil update of what's going on...

I got a ph number of a Therapist on the link I got from Dee. He emailed me back and said to call him today. I called and I told him all about the Dr. I'm seeing and said as everyone else had.... Find a new Dr. He gave me the name of a Dr. that he works with. The dr. gives the Suboxone and they keep in contact especially if a pt. is having a hard time that they talk often.

The Dr. he told me about is not as close as the one I have now but my husband told me no problem he would take off work and take me the first time.
He said he thinks she will take my Ins. so I'll call tomorrow and see.

I told him about the script being ready before he even saw me and he said that is no good. He was saying about calling the Dr. office and I told him how there is either no answer or no one will call back. He seemed a li surprised but said sadly there are a few out there like that. Lucky me,I found him first go round.

I also asked him what he thought about me filling the Vicoden and the Dr. finding out. He said normally after the first visit Dr.'s don't check again unless they feel the person is using or comes up with a dirty UA.

So,I'm going to call tomorrow and see about finding me someone new and hope I can get in soon and they will take my Ins.
We shouldn't have to worry about these Dr. taking our Ins. for this. They take it for everything else. It only makes it harder on us.

I guess they figure if we spent money when we were using then we could spend money to get clean. Not everyone spent money while they were using. I know I didn't. It's cost me more trying to get clean than when I've tried to get clean.

I know this post is kind of all over the place but that's where, I'am all over he place.

Please keep me in your prayers.

Love to you all

Marie
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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Sun 05 Jun 2011, 8:02 pm





I am happy to hear that you have the possibility of a new provider on the horizon. That is great news.
I know your still beating yourself up but you have to think about this, if you weren't ready to stay in the program then you never would have brought the Vicodin up to the therapist. Instead I think you would have just went around it telling him everything else and leaving that part out.
Being as honest as you were has to tell you something about yourself now.
Marie, you have changed and are ready for this to happen. And it will.
Please check in tomorrow after you give the doctor a call. You might want to keep this quiet with the old doctor until your sure you have an appointment.
Talk to you soon,
Dee

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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Tue 07 Jun 2011, 4:11 pm


Just checking in with you Marie...


Hi Marie!

I just wanted to see how you are doing & how you are coping with your current situation. I haven't heard too much from you in a couple of days & wanted to make sure that you are doing okay. I hope that you are feeling as well as possible & getting through this as best as can be!! I also wanted to remind you that I am here for you in any way that I can possibly help out & let you know that you have remained in my prayers for the best possible outcome for your situation! You are never alone- that is what we are here for! You have helped me greatly with your kind words throughout my own ordeals & I just want you to know that I am also here for you as well!! I love you

If you are feeling up to it & get a chance, please drop a line to let us know how you are doing & remember that this too shall pass! (never quickly enough, but it will my friend!)

Looking forward to hearing from you soon!
Love,
Beth I love you
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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Tue 07 Jun 2011, 9:55 pm


Hi Beth,
Thanks for the kind words. I'm a wreck and can't wait to get back on the Suboxone. I'm just hoping this new Dr. will work out. The other Dr. took my Ins. and this one isn't. Plus,he is a OB/GYN that scares me a bit.
I'm just scared period. I don't know what the outcome will be and after I put out money I really don't have I'm scared for some reason he own't give it to me.

I think I should call back in the morning before I go and see if they need me to bring anything. Like a copy of all my drugs,surgeries,etc.

I'll let you know how it goes. Please keep me in your prayers. I really want to get back to where I was.

Love,
Marie
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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Mon 13 Jun 2011, 9:53 am


Hi Marie!

I just wanted to say "Hello" and to ask how things are coming along... How are you feeling? Are those miserable feelings starting to disappear yet? What are you thinking of your new doctor? I have a whole list of questions for you, but basically they all lead to the very same thing- just wanting to know if you are doing okay? I know that this is a very short post, but I just haven't heard much from you recently & am concerned about you!! Like a Star @ heaven When you get a free moment, please just try to drop a line to let us know how things are coming along with you.

Love Your Friend,
Beth I love you
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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Mon 13 Jun 2011, 12:34 pm

[i][b]

Hey Beth,
Thanks for the concern,hon.

I think I'm still going to the 3rd. Dr. tomorrow. I'm calling her back to be certain that i will get no surprises like the last one with him telling me I have to come back every week at 200.00 a week.

I think once I can get settled with a Dr. it will help greatly. I'm not sure how I feel b/c the stress has been so bad that I've hardly eaten and when I do I have to force it. I'm very shakey and nauseated. So,I'm not sure if I'm not stabulized from the Suboxone or if it's stress. I'm in serious need of a Counsselor but first I have to get this Dr. situation under control.
This one is not close to my home but if it's once a month and she is good or as good as possible then it would be worth the ride. I'm also concerned about me having problems when I go to fill my meds since she doesn't have a Medicare number. I called the Pharmacy and he said he didn't "think" there would be a problem.
I also have to pay her cash 200.00 and I doubt if I will get my money back since she is not part of Medicare.

Why does htis have to be such a big problem?
When I was getting the opiates the Dr.'s had no problem taking my Ins. now that I want off them they don't want to take my Ins.

Best part is some of these same Dr.'s are also pain mgmt. and take Ins.l for that.
Wow,nothing like ripping off a addict trying to go into recovery.

I'm sorry I've been away so long. The stress has just wore me out. It's also affecting my home life,which is another stress.

I'll let you know how it goes.

If you have any other questions,ask away b/c it might be something I've not thought about.

How are things with you? Have you heard from your daug. since they left for vacation?
Hang in there on that. We'll talk more about that soon. I've been right where you are. It's hard enough to have teenagers but when you have someone in the family that "think" they can do better does not help our daughters.
Might I add,shame on others that think they can step in and try to take over.We are these girls mothers and they not helping that child.

Girl,I can get on a big roll about that situation.

Thanks for everything.

Love,
Marie
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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Mon 13 Jun 2011, 8:37 pm

Hey Marie,
I don't know if this will help settle your thoughts or not but I talked to a friend of mine today. She works as a pharmacy Tech and I put the question to her about the doctor not having the medicare # and if you would still be able to get your prescription.
She said if it was state insurance, no. But since it is Humana and medicare, she didn't think it would be a problem since that does not deal with the state.

I do know from past experience ( I may have already said this somewhere) that lst year I went to fill my Rx and my providers Lisence with the state medicaid office had lasped so I had to wait until she was in their system again before they could fill it and charge medicaid for it. She did however give me enough to get me through the next couple of days without charging me.
I was forever grateful for that.

I know it's not much and that you will probably worry until you actually get to the pharmacy and have your medication in hand. I would be the same way.

Beth, how did it go with your provider today? Will you need to be finding someone else to see? What's going on? Is this something that you can talk about?
If you need anything let me know. There's not much I can do beyond listening but I am here.
Dee

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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Mon 13 Jun 2011, 9:15 pm

[b][i]
Hey Dee,
Thanks for keeping me in mind asking that question.
I called the Pharmacy and talked to another person and he said he didn't think there would be a problem.
I got to thinking that what she may be talking about is needing a PA. Since my meds have already been approved I don't "think" that will be a problem. I think until Oct. I should be safe. I'm approved for the Suboxone until Oct. then I have to go thru the whole ordeal again. But,I'll worry about that in Oct.

This is just what I'm thinking she might be talking about. Heck,I don't know anything anymore.

So far,this lady seems to be nice. I called her back this morning to ask if I was going to be facing any surprises. Like I need to come back every week or two weeks. She said,no,once a month. I don't want to put too much hope/faith into her until we meet. Although,she has called me several times. She says she cares and her calling me instead of her staff I'm hoping that is a good thing.
I don't think she always has someone there working in her office. She said it's a small place so I'm thinking she is just starting out.

Maybe,just maybe....If she is just starting out I'll be okay for a lil while. The first 5 yrs. is the best after that they seem to not care as they did at first. I say this from dealing with Dr.'s the last 21 yrs of my Lupus.
It is a hour drive if there is no accidents on the interstate but it'll be worth it if she is okay.

I have a appt. for 2:00pm tomorrow and I will let ya'll know as soon as I get home

You right,I won't feel relieved till after I have those meds in my hands.

Beth,if you feel up to it please let us know how your appt. went.

Love,
Marie
I think after getting burnt by 2 Dr.'s in 2 months it's got me on high alert.
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PostSubject: Re: Ashame and in trouble   Mon 13 Jun 2011, 9:31 pm

Marie,
The smaller seems to be the better. When I first started with my provider she had one office girl and she herself was the only other person in the office. Now 4 years later she still has that same office girl. She had one other but is not there anymore thank goodness.
There are now a staff of therapists but my provider keeps up with their patients. Every week they have a meeting where she is kept up to speed with what is going on with each patient. She has her Suboxone patients but that is not her main practice.
When you go into her office for your appointment she herself comes out to get you. Not a nurse nor office staff. Her.
One of her first questions to me is always, "How is the Suoxone working for you?"
Reading and hearing about so many nightmares out there has made me much more appreciatie for what I have.




When I was talking to my friend today she was telling me about one patient who came in to fill her prescription. That patient just found out that her provider of three years is closing down. He made an announcemnt after her last appointment about a couple of weeks ago. So as of the other day she has only two weeks left and then will be without a provider.
I feel so badly for the patients who will be left out in the cold. I think it should be mandatory that when a provider leaves they should be made to refer their patients and make sure they are taken care of. This doctor was seeing this girl for three years. She went to him every two weeks. No monthly appointments. Can you imagine the $$ that provider made?
The only suggestion that I could make was for the patients to look towards another town. Our town is so small and only has a handfull of providers. We have many that are certified but only a few that actually prescribe due to red tape and paperwork. Isn't that sad.
So what are these patients supposed to do? I feel so bad.

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