Suboxone: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

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 Barbara Rue's Road

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Barbara Rue

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Female
Number of posts : 851
Age : 74
Humor : You can't keep it unless you give it away
Registration date : 2008-11-08

PostSubject: Barbara Rue's Road   Mon 17 Nov 2008, 2:22 pm

Barbara Rue's road began several lifetimes ago as I have been Many things and many places. I have been aloud to live through many situations, I feel I have been saved out of dying mnay times. Let my road begin as from this day. I live for something and the thing is happiness and being able to hang out with myself and not feel sick. I love myself and in love with the fact I know I'm blessed out in many ways. Today, I walk with my shoulders back and not in a rush. I can spot an opiate absuer a mile away and it's a mile of road I never want to take again. Today I'm not all hunched over and I walk like I'm happy. I can make the right moves that makes the world make sense. Well whoopie, I can make it to the store and get the things I need realizing it's a beautiful day. My rewards come from strange places: my name Barbara means strange or stranger, being a Barberic nature. Today I'm a kind stranger, one you'ld love to know. For now I said I have to go to the store, I must end and go. I'd like to make a string of day to day threads of my life. Maybe I can find out what kind of cloth I'm from...at the end of my hem. Love ,with no charge, Barbara Rue I love you
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Barbara Rue

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Female
Number of posts : 851
Age : 74
Humor : You can't keep it unless you give it away
Registration date : 2008-11-08

PostSubject: Re: Barbara Rue's Road   Tue 18 Nov 2008, 12:43 pm

The road I was on as a child, you could tell I was headed downhill on a slippery slope. I had a Father who drank and gambled his paycheck away and a Mother too meek to put her foot down. I was angry for years fror her not protecting us six kids. As I got older and sober, I realized she did the best she could and suffered more than any of us. I was pregnant at seventeen (1960) and then there wasn't any welfare or help, so I gave my daughter up for adoption. I went back to high school, but with my tattered mended clothes and girls writing on the bathroom walls, I was a lot of dirty things, I quit. My road then took me down to Ft. Lauderdale where on my looks and con, I established myself to have a job on the beach, lived on the beach, drank a bit, but no drugs. I got a nice apartment and a Cadillac convertable. The drugs came later from late night parties and the insistance of "loved ones." I thought I had the best of everything for quite a while until I met my 7'2", 320 pounds of an Italian hunk. I feel so in love with this man, I would do all he said even after many black eyes and broken ribs. I still loved him and got married in 1965. He was fated to end up in prison from any on of his illegal activites. This left me alone to fall in one mess after another. I always thought I had to have a man to take care of me. I'll tell you of three more failed marriages later. Now, today I'm a senior jouneyman in my union,buying my own farm of rescued animals and support myself on my own. Besides overcoming an out of control addiction to opiates, I take care of my Mom and myself and have a comfortable life. This is a road I'm glad I took. I guess I had to go to all these other places to get where I am today. I hope all of you can get something out of what I've told you. If you need me, I'm here. Yours in the struggle, Barbara Rue
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Barbara Rue

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Female
Number of posts : 851
Age : 74
Humor : You can't keep it unless you give it away
Registration date : 2008-11-08

PostSubject: Re: Barbara Rue's Road   Wed 19 Nov 2008, 2:09 pm

It's mind bending when I go to bed with a bowl of ice cream, everything is fine and I'm counting my blessings, saying my prayers last thing. I woke up with such an upset stomach, foggy and weak in my mind. Some days I wake up and I'm contented and can't wait to get up and do things. Not today, I made my brother's lunch and curled up on the couch with the three dogs laying around me. I slept till the phone rang and still no life inside. I managed to take my dose which seemed to take forever. I'm somewhat better and managed to put on some chili and melted butter for a pineapple upside-down cake. I called off from instructing a group of new hires this afternoon. I figured I needed the rest. I don't know if anyone is getting anything out of this, but I'm more positive and a sense of normalcy is peeking through. I've written things down before and solved a sortment of problems which wasn't really problems, it was just my acceptance of what's going on around me. I have to face the fact I'm where I am for a reason and it doesn't matter if it's windy,rainy or sun shining, I have to do the best I can with what I put into the day. My road today is as hard as I make it out to be. I looked over what I've written and there's a lot of "I's" here. Maybe I should think about adding a we; meaning finding a soul mate. The adult in me says I need to get myself out of this treatment I'm in before I offer myself to someone else. I don't know if I could ask someone to join me on this road of recovery. I think I'll just put this idea on a back road to be walked when I'm more in peices. I'll just return to the kitchen to surprise my Mom and bother with a desert for dinner. This has been my jouney for most of the day; I'm going to make the best of the rest of it. Love to all, Barbara Rue
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Admin
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Female
Number of posts : 95
Registration date : 2008-11-06

PostSubject: Thank You For Sharing!   Thu 20 Nov 2008, 1:29 am

Barbara,
Thank you for sharing parts of your life with us. It is never easy for us to share experiences we are ashamed of. I can tell all of you healing comes from sharing. If you can share the most agonizing parts of your life with others, you are on your way to recovery.
I knew when I selected you as a Moderater on this Forum, we would all grow from your wisdom, compassion and experience. I was totally right. I wish more of you would open up and allow us to see "the real you." I am sure you are beautiful on the inside and there is nothing in your life we can't accept. I only want honesty from all of us in here for none of us have achieved perfection and we will never achieve it on this Earth.
Thank you, Barbara for being there for me when I needed you. Incidents happen in our lives for reasons. Many times they happen to show us who our real friends are. You waited. I knew you had been called to help others and I tried to bring you on earlier but you and I know why it didn't work out. You didn't get upset and you stayed around and waited. There is a saying ,"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." It was your time. I am glad to welcome you aboard as a Moderator and I applaud you for having the courage to share about your life. It is a cleansing experience and it is much better afterwards to know people still care about you. They accept you for who you are. You don't have to hide behind a mask.
How many of us have hid our true identities behind a mask? How many of you are afraid to be the real you because you feel as if no one will like you? I know I have many times. I would never speak up when asked a question because I felt as if anything I had to say couldn't be worth anything. People would just laugh. I tried to be what everyone expected me to be until I woke up one day and I really didn't know who I was or what I believed. Can anyone relate to this? I know I'm not the only one but maybe it wil take some of you time to feel more comfortable before you start opening up.
"Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow."
Barbara, thank you again for sharing and I'm asking all of you to please let us all get down to the core of our beings. Lets' try and deal with what is holding us back from becoming all we can be. I really miss working on the forums and one on one with people because it is what I really wanted to do but I found out first I had to open a website to obtain Grant Money because they didn't give out Grant Money for forums. I got caught all up in the websites and now I am building a new one as soon as I get over my Dental Work (I have already started and I believe all of you will love it because it will have some talking characters and some live chats for those who are interested) and I had to hire Moderators to answer your questions and assist you in the help you needed.
I am going to try and find the time to spend with you here and I want to get to know each of you on a first name basis unless you prefer to remain anonymous. I want this for our Suboxone: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel. I want us to share the problems we are encountering taking Suboxone and we will work with you to straighten them out and of course we are here to answer any and all of your questions about Suboxone. I am available for one-on-one counseling with you if you need to talk with someone personally.
But, there is more I want to accomplish here. I really don't care for any superficial talk like "How's the weather?" "How are you doing?" If you are asked "How are you doing?" then I want you to answer it honestly and from the heart. I want us to get to the core of why we started using and discover what our weakness is. I want it to be a place we can come to obtain help when we need it and I want us to be able to feel the love from the minute we Log In. I want us to know we are accepted by each other and to always know we can reach someone at any hour of the day if we feel like we are going to relapse.
I want you to learn who you are. I want you to become all you can be. I want you to feel loved and accepted for there is nothing better in this world than to know you are loved for who you are and that you have friends who will be there for you.
All the money in the world can't buy this for you. I want you to know you received something from this group if we must ever close and to always remember what it meant to us. Is this what any of you want? I would like to know and hear from all of you and you can add your wants and expectations to the list.
Good Night! Sleep I'm really hurting bad and I must go. Thank you, Barbara for your time has come. Rejoice and be glad in it.
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Barbara Rue

avatar

Female
Number of posts : 851
Age : 74
Humor : You can't keep it unless you give it away
Registration date : 2008-11-08

PostSubject: Re: Barbara Rue's Road   Sat 22 Nov 2008, 10:28 pm

Deborah, you dear sweet person. I can't thank you enough for bringing the sweetness out in me. I feel so much better than I did when I first started reading what was new on the board. Then I read this. You are so kind and gentle. Somtimes I need harsh and rough, but you seemed to know what I needed at this time. We have a road ahead of us to tread a step at a time. We will hold our swords high and walk with confidence. I wish I could write as much as you do. Maybe I will be able to once I can loosen up about a lot of things. I'm going to work tomorrow, so I must get in bed. This is my favorite time of day. When all is done and I can rest till in the morning. Loved what you had to say. You have done a lot on the forum. YOU really know what you are doing. Love, Barbara Rue
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bfye

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Female
Number of posts : 695
Age : 42
Humor : There is no room in your heart for anger when you are filled with gratitude.
Registration date : 2008-11-20

PostSubject: Re: Barbara Rue's Road   Sun 23 Nov 2008, 7:08 pm

Hello,
First off, I'd like to thank you for creating such a website. A place to be able to interact with people like myself and being able to do it from home!! I have three children- a thirteen year old, and a one and two year old. It makes it hard for me to get out. This website is an incredible find & I'm so grateful that you are able to do this. It's comforting to know that there are people who truly can understand the feelings I am struggling with. I have an amazing family/ "support system." People who honestly still believe in me?? And as much as they want to help, it is still very hard for them to understand. I have put them through too much. Anyways, thank you, thank you for such an interesting site. bfye
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Barbara Rue

avatar

Female
Number of posts : 851
Age : 74
Humor : You can't keep it unless you give it away
Registration date : 2008-11-08

PostSubject: Re: Barbara Rue's Road   Mon 24 Nov 2008, 1:04 pm

Hello bfye, so happy to hear from you. I don't have any children, but as we read, I have a Quaker parrot calling, "Barbara, Barbara." This goes go when I leave the room. I also have two horses, both red with black mane and tail. These are my babies. I also have three dogs, two are at the groomers right now. Oh, I have four chickens. So, I have a lot to keep me busy and they all love me. I want to welcome you to our place. Everyone hear is genually caring and will be there for you. Keep posting and we'll post back. Yours in recovery, Barbara Rue
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Barbara Rue

avatar

Female
Number of posts : 851
Age : 74
Humor : You can't keep it unless you give it away
Registration date : 2008-11-08

PostSubject: Barbara Rue's Road   Tue 25 Nov 2008, 9:53 pm

Thank you Deborah for you kind words of compassion. You are truly a Mother Teresa over the suffering addict. I'm not sure she would have understood as you do. I'm not sure if I want to talk about all the roads of danger I've been on; what good does it do? It does make me think of how lucky or special I am to be here. Not until I started getting my life turned around did the perils stop. Towards the end of my addiction I couldn't even drive straight. Many times I awoke by a horn blowing at me cause I had driven in the path of another car. A power larger than any of us has kept me alive with a kind heart and in good physical shape. I have a few operations I need and will do. One of them will be done here shortly cause after a hammer toe being corrected, my other toes need to be shortened, pinned and then pins removed. Right now it hurts to walk and with my work, I walk at least five miles a day. I'm a stage hand who sets up conventions and trade shows. Fortunatly a lot of times I have a flat-bed cart I drive or I just point people in the direction they need to be in. My work is physical and kept me in good shape. My road today took me to the sub doctor and I got my usual dosage. I've been on 4 mgs a day for quite a while now. I usually have 1 or 2 left. I just forget or don't want to dose. I hope I have said something any of you could use to get better. The is a better coming for all of us cause anthing is better than being sick. God, I remember when I didn't know what to do or where to go. I'm so so glad there was a drug to recover on. I'm glad for you people out there for your support and understanding. Bless you all, Barbara Rue
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