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 Still having family problems with getting any type of support

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pitbullmomma34

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Number of posts : 60
Age : 39
Humor : If I were wrong, Dont you think I would know it?-Sheldon Cooper
Registration date : 2013-02-21

PostSubject: Still having family problems with getting any type of support   Tue 21 May 2013, 6:55 am

I know that it shouldnt bother me like it does, but standing in the bathroom this morning fixing my hair (yes I get ideas in the weirdest of places) it came to me how much my mother and the rest of my family pretty much doesnt care about my health and well being. I didnt tell you guys what happened here well before the dog attack. My husband came down with bronchitis and he had to be taken to the doctor. Well on the way back, something and I am not sure how it came up exactly but my doctor and medicine came up. Mom speaks up and says well instead of going to that doctor, you should be putting that money towards a house payment or a car payment. I was just floored. Allen n the backseat speaks up and says, I would rather have her healthy instead of having something better to drive or a house when already have a place to live. Then Mom says, yeah but she doesnt absolutely need the medicine. I looked at her and said, do you absolutely need your heart medication? It got quiet in the van and I turned the radio on.
Now why does it have to be me who can get NO family support whatsoever??? I know it sounds like I am whining. If it does, I cant help it. I would love a little bit of family support, Mom to look at me and say "How are you doing with the medicine or How is the doctor going?" Her main concern is MONEY. MONEY. MONEY, MONEY. She cares nothing about my health, she cares about the money. When Shelby attacked Olive, Allen said there is no way that I can go in to work tomorrow. I have to get a day to calm down and just deal with this. Mom said, you can deal with it at work. I get more support from the people in the game that I play online than I do from the family that lives around me. How messed up is that? How messed up is it that the pharmacist asks me about it more than my own mother? My dad who I speak to on rare occasions, actually listened to me when I explained to him how bad I got at one point. He said that if the doctor was what I needed for right now that I should do it to be healthy. Mom just wants me to stop going I think so she can get that money herself. We do owe her some money. I will admit that, I pay her what I can when i can. Allen just now has started getting Overtime and we dont even know how much longer that the job will last because they dont know how to run the place. I know in my heart that Mom is 110 percent concerned about the money and not the outcome. She doesnt see what this money being spent is doing to me. It give me my life back. When we were in the van, I mentioned well I can always go back to what I was before. I also said you dont realize how close to heroin that I was because the pills were doing NOTHING. I was almost to the point that I thought Heroin was the only way to get pain relief. The thought crossed my mind quite a bit. Mom sees this as nothing, like its just me trying to grab attention.
This is so hurtful, I will get my chance to show her one of these days. I am hoping that the day is coming soon. I would love to be at the point in life to where when she acts this way I could just tell her to F off. That might not be right of me, but what she is doing isnt right either.
She concerns herself with the little prince and her whole world revolves around him. Everytime that he does something wrong, there is another excuse made up. He goes to chicken fights in her car and she thinks that nothing can happen because of it. She even let him buy one and he actually fights them some weekends. Nothing is ever said of it because that is another bit of money coming in to their house. How messed up is that? To allow your life to revolve around a piece of paper so much? The way that me and Allen are, once the bills are paid we try to save what we can but we dont worry ourselves to death about it. I do worry sometimes, but not to the point like Mom does. She constantly thinks of nothing but money. Its always well, we are facing bankruptcy. She is lying through her front teeth. She wants me to give her every extra dime that we have during the week. She doesnt care if we have enough to make it or not, as long as she is getting money things are fine.
She doesnt care about my health because she figures if I wasnt going to the doctor that money could be used to give back to her. Suboxone is the only thing that has worked so far. I have tried it all, cold turkey, tapering, other medicines. I do have back trouble, there is no doubt in my mind about that. I cant even stand in the floor for no longer than a few minutes before I am in so much pain that I can barely move. Suboxone helps with that somewhat, I will admit that its no Percocet or Oxycodone. I dont want that other stuff anymore. if it comes down to me having to use some type of pain relief when I come off this, I will more than likely be put back on it. It keeps me away from the other things and keeps my mind clear. Why is it that me and Allen are the only ones that sees this? When I talk to Mom about it, she changes the subject or goes to talking about her damn bank account. "I dont know what I am going to do, I am almost broke." "He thinks that we have this amount, when we actually only have this in the bank" She has a web of lies going on over there that I could understand it causing her mind to go to other things. She brought it on herself. Instead of looking at him and saying this is my child and I have to help her through this, she chose to lie and keep it hidden. I think now she holds me responsible for this and hates me for it. I really think that she blames me for her financial trouble, this is why that she chooses to bring up something else or change the subject. I need someone else to speak to about it other than Allen sometimes. I dont have that around here. Dont get me wrong you guys are wonderful. It would just be nice to have some family that felt the same way.
Sorry I didnt mean to whine and go on, I just needed to vent a little bit.
The medicine is working well for me, I am doing good at holding steady at 8mg a day. I dont know where I would be without this medicine right now. I do feel like it is a crutch somewhat, but for right now I need that crutch. i am thankful that I have Allen in my life, I would have ended it all if I didnt have atleast him to lean on. I dont think that I could have went through this on my own. If Allen was not here, I would be alone in it to some point. It is just something that you need support with, but for me my support circle is a bit small. I do love that I have Allen in my life when I need to talk to someone about all of it, but it would really be nice if I had a mother who give a damn. When I decide to cut her off completely regardless if we move or not, she might care then. She wont have nobody to listen to her rants and vents then. Not sure.....
I do love you guys though.
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