Suboxone: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

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 The Value Of A Friend

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nannamom
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Fri 12 Dec 2008, 11:22 pm

Deborah,
I used to use Walgreens as well, but I got tired of the way that they would look down at me when ever I would take in my Suboxone prescription to be filled. If I would ask them a question about a medication they would act like they didn't have the time for me. Many times I felt as if I was being descriminated against, so I left and haven't gone back.
The pharmacy that I use now, treats me with respect. If i have a question, the pharmacist makes time to come over and talk to me. There is a girl that works there that also has a heart condition like mine. When ever I go in, she makes it a point to ask me how I am. I am glad that you have a pharmacy that treats you well. Discrimination is an ugly thing.

BFye,
Go up to the top of the page, and look for the tab that says profile. ( your profile) Then on the far right hand side at the top of the page you will see the word drafts. Click on that, and you should see the message that you wee trying to send. That happened to me one day too, it took me forever to figure out where it went.
It is always good to hear from you and hear about your recovery, you are doing very well. How did your doctors appointment go today? It was today that you went wasn't it. Please let us know.
yours
Dee
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Sat 13 Dec 2008, 3:34 pm

Good morning Miss Barbara!!
How was your night? Are you feeling good this morning? My coffee is finally starting to "kick in." I've had about a half a pot so far. Like you said, we just have to forge through, energy or no. These kids sure aren't going to go to sleep just because I'm tired. They certainly keep me moving.
Ok, I'm finally back. I guess you probably didn't even realize that I was gone. Duh!! I started to post around 8:30 this morning. It is now 10:30. Everytime that I try to sit down & actually get a thought going, these babies are climbing up me, the walls, furniture, etc. I'm raising monkies over here. Wink They are so funny. Sometimes I get feeling overwhelmed, then I look at them & wouldn't want it any other way. (well, I wouldn't mind if they'd sleep more) Sleep They are super kids. I'm very blessed & I do realize it, making me even more grateful to be where I am today. I wake up feeling good & am able to function well throughout the days. That doesn't sound like much of an accomplishment for most people, but for me, it's a miracle!! These children need a Mama, not a using addict. Thank God, I finally can be that Mother that they need. I'm tending to them instead of having my mind preoccupied with how I'm going to afford my next fix. I'm sure that they notice the difference because I sure do. I'm so thankful to have tackled this problem now, while they're still too young to remember. My oldest daughter didn't have that luxury, didn't deserve to have the struggles of addiction affecting her childhood. Yet, I know there's nothing I can do about what's done. I'm just trying to make sure that she's not going to see me like that again. And, you know how opiates are, people can't tell that your on them. They can just see that something isn't right. I refuse to expose her any longer to my negative actions. I am trying to lead more by example. She's a great girl & I want to keep it that way. She's been through a lot of crap throughout her lifetime due to my addiction. Not necessarily directly, but too many things that I still feel sorry for overall. It's also amazing how much she's changed since I started the Subs in May. I know that I've changed, therefore, she has stepped it up. An example of this would be her grades & cooperation regarding school. Last year I had to fight her just to go to school & her grades were average, at best. She's capable of much more. This year she's getting herself up & ready. She's also had straight A's all of this school year. I am so proud of her. She's proud of herself. Her self esteem has gotten so much better since I've stopped using. We are very close again. I didn't even realize the effect I was having on her by using. I didn't even know that she knew or could even tell. She's not stupid though. I'm very direct with her now and she respects the honesty. I understand that fully from my childhood. I knew that my Dad drank, but it was always "hidden" and brushed under the rug as to portray the ideal Irish Catholic family in public. I resented that. It didn't bother me so much that he's a drinker as to have to lie about it. I don't want my kids to have to deal with or go through these issues. My priorities are my kids. No child deserves exposure to addiction. "The Innocent Ones" Sad Even more of a reason to not go back.. A big reason! And of course, there's death. That's where I was headed if I didn't get a hold of it. As always, thank God for Subs! This past weekend a guy that I graduated with overdosed on heroin & died. The funeral is today. He was a great person with a bad problem. My brother in law was commenting to my husband asking how could this happen, how this guy could end up on heroin. My husband told him "I'll tell you just how it can happen. Start by taking Vicodin, switch up to OCs when they aren't cutting it anymore & when the OCs get too expensive, enter heroin." We're both aware of where I'm headed if I were to relapse. He keeps a close eye on me. I don't blame him though. He had the rug pulled out from under his feet when he found out about my use. He didn't know because I hid it from him. Therefore, he's now scared because he thought he should've been able to see it. He won't miss the signs again, but I don't plan on putting him back in that spot again. I'm lucky he's still here now. I've put our relationship through many struggles. Yet, we are still trudging on together. Very Happy He's an excellent father & husband. Once again, I'm very blessed. Have you ever seen the movie "When A Man Loves A Woman" with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia in it? It's an inspiring movie regarding addiction & effects on relationships.
Are you involved in a relationship? I think I remember reading that you are now divorced, is that correct? How long were you married? Are you spending time with anyone interesting now? If I'm being too nosey, tell me to butt out. I just didn't know if you had a significant other or not. If I wasn't already in the situation that I am, being married with children, if it was just me, I would take this time for myself. I already wish that I had more (or any) time alone. This is as close as it gets when I get on the computer. And last night my husband kept making comments about me sitting on here all night, which I wasn't, but I felt like, so what even if I was? I am with these babies 24/7. He can keep an eye on them while they play. They were already fed, changed & in their pj's. He didn't have to do anything but make sure they were okay while playing with the blocks. He's just used to me taking care of it all the time, which I don't mind. It is my job right now. He works his butt off to support us, I can handle the kids & house. He justs needs to understand that I need a break sometimes. Even with a job that you work 60 hours, you still get some time off throughout the day or night. They are his kids too & I don't ask for alot of time. I just need to discuss it with him. I also know that he hasn't been feeling well, fighting off a sore throat & cold. You know how men are when they are sick!! He sure doesn't get sick often, but when he does, you'd think he was dying. Maybe I'll wait a few days to bring it up. And find just the "right" time to mention it. Wink haha! I make him sound horrible & he's really not. These are small things that we'll be able to compromise on. I also don't want to sound like I am complaining. I love being able to be home with my babies & he's my Hometeam!! That is what we call each other. It's programmed into my phone that when he calls, it comes up "Hometeam" & vice versa. We are working towards the same common goal & help bring each other up. He is my best friend & lover as well as the kids father. I consider myself extremely lucky to have found love. I really didn't ever think that I would. It didn't look like it for many years, going through a divorce (or annullment) and many awkward dates. I guess that I got to a point of acceptance (and of course I was using) but I accepted that I would be alone and be okay with that. Matty & I had been friends for several years at that point. I still don't really know what changed or if I was just getting to know him better, but the more time we spent together, the more I began to love him. We've now been together since 2000. We've been through a lot throughout the years, but we're still here. cheers And we're both fighting like hell to stay together. He's also so very thankful for the Suboxone. He's watched me suffer for many years before starting the Subs last May. He's starting to see that change is possible. The addiction will never go away, but it can be managed so that it doesn't have to affect our lives. I know that he wants to have more control over the situation, so do I. I will continue on the Subs and with my counseling and KISS! (Keep It Simple, Stupid!) One day at a time. I'm not meaning to throw out all the cliches, but they are the truth. I can only manage one day at a time. Sometimes less, an hour at a time or sometimes more, a week at a time. But you know what I'm saying girl! Question I'm certainly just going on and on and on today, kind of like the Energizer Bunny. Rolling Eyes I seem to have a lot to say. It's easy for me to communicate with you.
This is about where I left off yesterday. Thank God that Dee knew where this had gone. It was driving me crazy trying to find it.. I don't remember where I was going with the above paragraph so I'm just going to send this now before it disappears again. Exclamation
I'm going to check out more of todays posts. I'll be on and off here checking throughout the afternoon and evening. Hope your day is going well. Have you heard from Dee today? How is she feeling? I know it's always worse a few days after the accident. Hope she's hanging in there, poor thing. That taxi driver shouldn't even have his license!! Hopefully he won't for long.. Talk to you soon Miss Barbara!
Love,
BFye I love you
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Sat 13 Dec 2008, 3:54 pm

Dear Beth, you well thought out mail to me deserves the same. I'm on my way to the store, but I wanted you to know I read your wonderful thoughts and opinions. I'll answer you more properly when I get back. You are truly a nice person with a life ti live for. See ya real soon, Miss Barbara
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Sat 13 Dec 2008, 5:04 pm

Hi everybody!!
I absolutely love this forum, as I constantly repeat!! It was great getting on here today & seeing that many posts. I always love hearing from you ladies. It's so funny to me that I feel closer to friends from the computer than most of the people right here around me. I'm extremely thankful to have become a member here & gotten to know you girls. It's right back to God putting us where we need to be when we ask Him. Exclamation
Dee, How are you doing today? Are you still hurting pretty badly? I hope your hanging in there sweetie! THANK YOU soo much for directing me to the location of finding my draft. It was making me crazy trying to find it. I just sent it out a few minutes back. I hope it was received properly? It didn't say "Send" but I think that "Publish" was the equivalent.
As for my doctors appointment, yes, it was just a couple of days back. It went well. He is starting his Suboxone Program in January, so he is not treating me quite yet. He did agree to participate in the Patient Rx Assistance Program so that I am able to get my Subs from the pharmaceutical co. (Reck-Bes) I also explained to him that by participating, he's also able to help two other patients acquire their meds as well. I gave him all of the information that I'd printed out & showed him how to get to the website. He told me he would do it. I have an appointment for January. The only thing that really concerns me is that I'll be switching from my existing dr. who is a neurologist specializing in addiction to this dr. who is just starting with the Subs and is an OB/GYN. When I went into his office for my consultation, the nurse tried to have me get undressed for his "routine physical" & pap. No, no, no. I didn't end up having to do any of that, but they are just not knowledgable with Sub issues yet. I'd rather stay with my existing doctor, but she won't participate in the Rx Asst. Right now, I'm confused about what I want to do. I'm not going to plan on leaving my current dr. until I see how it goes with the new one. I already do my counseling at a different place & will continue with that no matter what doctor is writing the Rx. I'd previously made a joke that it didn't matter if he was a OB/GYN or a Veterinarian as long as he can write the rx for Subs. Yet, it doesn't seem to be the route that I want to take.. Question I guess that it's probably just fear of change.. I need to get over that because I need that prescription assistance. Like I'd mentioned, if I need further mental or emotional support, I can always bring that to the attention of my counselor. She'd be happy to point me toward the proper therapy. She is just not able to write for the Subs. So, I guess that is my plan. At least, as of right now. I'd love any feedback or opinions that any of you may have about this doctor situation. Or anything else, for that matter. Very Happy

Deborah,
I really enjoyed hearing from you. I'm sorry to hear that you've been sick. It's also so easy to get "frazzled" and quickly tired from work when you are already sick. Weakened immune system, etc. I hope that your now on the upswing towards being well. If possible, continue to try to get rest. That's what seems to help me more than anything else. It's just a matter of taking the time out. It's hard to do.
I appreciate you letting me know about the Media Licensing. I'm probably going to sound so ignorant, but I'm not quite sure what is loaded onto this computer. I will ask my husband if he's able to help me get it figured out. I will also get ahold of you if I have further questions. Thank you for being willing to help me. "The Technically Challenged" Laughing I'm looking forward to finally being able to hear the radio show. I also need to, once again, thank you for this forum. I really feel that I've made friends here & look forward to being able to check in. It's great!! I'm thankful that you had the brainpower, drive & desire to make it exist. Idea Way to go! I also wanted to let you know that despite what's going on with these doctors & financially with me being able to stay on the Subs, I will NOT give up!! Strangely, I feel stronger than ever. These obstacles don't seem nearly so overwhelming these days. (or at least today) Wink I'm also very thankful to know that I can get on here at any time & have friends that really can understand the struggles that I have. I love Barbara's quote & I hope that I don't butcher it. "A problem talked about is a problem half solved." That's definately the truth!
Thanks Deborah! I will let you know how I make out trying to get to that recording. If I can't figure it out, I will be somehow trying to get ahold of you. Email, phone, whatever. I'll let you know as soon as I can get to it.

Hi Miss Barbara!!
My girl!! I am so thankful that we have been getting to know each other better. You are an incredible woman & friend! Your an inspiration to my recovery. I love getting on here & hearing from you. It cheers me up, makes me smile.
Get those emdorphins pumping.. haha lol! I'm sorry to have to cut this short, but once again these kids are running circles around me. I will talk with you more in a bit. Remind me that I have something to ask you..
Love Your Friend,
Bethy I love you
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Sat 13 Dec 2008, 10:00 pm

HI Beth
Good to hear that the doctors appointment went well. I know it's hard to decide between going to the doctor that you have now and switching to another one. I will pray that your transition is a smooth one for you. The important thing is that you will now be able to quit worrying about where your going to get the money for your medication, and your also helping other people by telling the doctor about the other patients that he can help. One more problem taken care of and out of the way. See, your list is growing smaller.
I know what you mean when you say that you love coming on here and seeing so many posts. I feel the same way. It makes my heart smile to see all of you every day.
Don't forget to check out the new topic page that Deborah has added. "Wisdom Quotes
Words of wisdom to live with each day.
I thought that I ahd posted there, but I can't see it now. I must have deleted it instead by accident.
Well, I'll jsut have to do another
Yours
Dee
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Barbara Rue

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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Sat 13 Dec 2008, 10:05 pm

Smile Hi Bethy, You are quite remarkable yourself. Anyone who can run a household and two babies and a teenager (who seems to be a blessing to you) and still have their treatment up in the air deserves a medal. I would be pulling all my hair out. Let me tell you about my lttle parakeet, Millie. One of my Quaker parrots kept flying over and opening the door to her cage. Millie got out and I came in form outside and she was in the bottom of a cage I use to take the Quakers outside. One of her toes was gone and she was holding her other foot up in pain. I've put her in a small cage and lined the bottom with flannel material so she can walk on something soft. I bring her in my computer room when I'm in here and she chirps to me. She's eating good and drinking water. I think she going to hobble a bit, but going to be okay. We are kind of a like, our feet are suffering, but we still can get around. No I don't have a relationship going on right now.I have some close brothers in our union who take me out. I don't want a serious thing right now. I have too many things I need to work on for myself before I turn my attention to a man. If I get into a relationship, I forget about things I need to do for myself. My next guy, if ther is one is going to be a good and kind man and one who doesn't snore.lol. I didn't get much done today, but did rest after I got back from the store. I feed the horses and fixed dinner. After that I got the dogs fed. and now here I am, doing what I really like most...writing to people who are willing to listen and respond back to me. It does me so much good to hear from you each time you write. You can reach me at thederbylady@aol.com. I wanted to send you an email card, but didn't have your address. On the radio broadcast, I just clicked where they wanted me to on the number and it took me back to the first page and I clicked on the Dec. 8th show...turn on your sound and it will come on. Well dear I'm going to make the coffee for in the morning and lock up the house and get ready for bed. I've been sleeping late cause I'm not getting to bed till late. I'm off from work right now, but want to keep up my same sleep patterns. Again it is a joy to hear from you. I'm going to write my story tomorrow. It just takes so much out of me, but feel cleaner afterwards. Take care of you. I wish you the best in finding the right doctor. Let me know how you are doing. I'll ask at my doctor if he knows of any in Ohio cause they go to conventions and meet doctors from all over. Maybe we will luck out. Ninight, Miss. Barbara
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Sun 14 Dec 2008, 3:08 pm

Hey Miss Barbara,
How are things today? Still running around like a wild woman getting everything done? I know that you feel like your rushed & have to have everything in order due to your surgery. I really do understand that & would probably be doing the same thing. I just also want to remind you to not get yourself worn down before going in for the procedure. You heal much more quickly with a healthy immune system. Your so active though. I know that you'll do fine. I really hope that surgery does the trick for your foot, gets you out of pain.. I liked the comparison between you & your injured bird. You can relate well with each other. I love the relationship that you have with the animals. I get a sense of peace when I am out tending to our animals. Especially in the spring when we start getting babies. Nature & the circle of life help me keep where I am in this world in a better perspective. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Also, how would I like to be remembered? It's certainly not by my past actions. I feel that I am a better person than what I have portrayed. I'm trying to live a better life now. I'm not always having to try to scheme more money to chase down & buy more OCs. Then worrying about how I was going to get them for the next time.. Then, lying to try & cover it all up. Wake up, repeat same vicious cycle. It gets so tiring, day after day, year after year. It had gotten me so worn down that I'd nearly given up hope of ever being able to overcome the situation. In my mind, the addiction had conquered & won! My daily, thank God for Suboxone & pointing me in the right direction. I'm feeling stronger each day. What a blessing!! Such an unexpected blessing! Exclamation I'm gaining the confidence in myself to continue striving forward. I really believe that I can do it. It also helps me so much to be able to communicate with you girls that really understand where I've been & the struggle it is to get out. You & Dee are such an inspiration to my recovery. Your both right here helping me believe that it really is possible! I'm grateful to have met you. I look forward to your posts as they always bring a warmth & smile with them. sunny And most importantly, hope! Thank you, my friend.
Hope your doing well today. When you get a chance, I'd love to hear what's going on with you. Talk to you soon girl.
Love,
Bethy I love you
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Sun 14 Dec 2008, 11:13 pm

Hi Bethy, It's good your thinking is changeing more each day...I can hear it in your posts. Your confidence is growing and you are finding more and more self worth. We all inspire each other. I've worn myself out today cause I went out in the yard and took care of some of my tree and plants that I'd rather do myself. The longer you are straight, the less you will think about the old days unless it's to help someone else. So many other things will fill your life. The further it gets away, the more you will relate to other ways of your life. I think we do a tremendous job of bringing each other up. I'm going to bed early and going to get up earlier than I have been. I felt better to day, getting outside as soon as I got up. I have a large back porch...I wish we could all sit out and have our coffee and talk. I'm happy we can talk to each other on line and bring out the best in all of us. Ninight for now, Beth. I'm glad you are here and doing so well. I'm proud of you, Love, Barbara
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Mon 15 Dec 2008, 6:32 pm

Hi Miss Barbara,
How's the day? How's your comfort level? Are you still running like mad? I've had a bit of a difficult time, starting last night & continuing throughout today. I'd like to talk it through with you, but can't right now due to time. I have to cut this short because I have my counseling appointment shortly & need to get out the door..
Hope all is well with you.
Talk with you soon.
Love,
Bethy I love you
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Mon 15 Dec 2008, 7:57 pm

Beth,
I just read the post above, are you okay? If you need to talk, let me know. I will leave my computer on and will keep checking back here. Just say the word. Take a deep breath, ( a couple if you have too )
I will wait and see if I hear from you
Dee
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Barbara Rue

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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Mon 15 Dec 2008, 9:57 pm

Hey Bethy, whatsup? I've been jumping through hoops all day and just got in. I had to go to the post office and overnight my insurance papaerwork and copy of front and back of my Medicare.This was suppose to be in their office in New York today. I paid my premium on line and sent the paperwork off. Fortunatly a guy from the post office came out and said he would stamp todays date on it. This may help. Beth, you can email me at thederbylady@aol.com anytime. Tell Miss Barbara all about it. How's your counseling going. Sometimes we can be our own best counselors. I want you to know I will listen and will not judge you or lead you wrong. Friends are for the good and the not so good. I know I didn't get right back to you, but sometimes if I'm deoressed, I like to keep it to myself cause I know it will work out. Let me hear from you. I'll be up after the babies are in bed and maybe we can have some talk time. I'm here and will keep checking back. lol, Miss Barbara
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Tue 16 Dec 2008, 3:22 pm

Oh, how frustrating!!! cheers
I am not having very good luck lately.. I just spent close to two hours writing to you girls about what's going on around here. When I pressed "Send" my internet froze up & kicked me off! Geez- that seems to be the way it's been going for me these past few days. Anyways, I'm going to start over, but it might not be as detailed as the first try. Mad

Hi there girls, Very Happy
How are things going? Wink Sorry about my above frustration, just hate the wasted time. I've been having a rough couple of days. It's really nothing major. There's just alot of stress in our household right now. As I've previously mentioned, we are having big time financial trouble. As well as our whole family being sick- that sure doesn't help anyone's moods. Exclamation I sure don't ever want to make my hubby sound horrible, he's not. He's stood with me through everything. Yet, sometimes I just need to be able to "vent" some of the overwhelming feelings that I continue to have. As I said, he's been sick & wasn't able to work over the weekend (like everybody else in the world who takes a sick day when they are ill!) But, he is self employed & work has been slow as it is. With the way that the economy is, nobody wants to remodel, much less build new. Anyways, with Christmas coming, he's super stressed. When he gets into these type of moods, he starts picking me apart. How much money I wasted on OCs (in the past!) and how I've "stolen food out of my babies mouths." As well as denting our van & getting an OVI charge last year. I do understand that I've f-ed up big time!! Yet, what else can I do about it now? Nothing more than exactly what I'm doing. I'm staying off the opiates that led me into those types of situations. I'm being honest & taking care of my responsibilities, how long do I need to be punished for my past mistakes? Question Yet, I do understand that he is still angry. He had a right to be pissed and I don't know if he's able to let go of it?? He says he is and that he's forgiven me, but I don't think so.. Not if he still gets angry & mad & yelling just thinking about what I've done. He says he "doesn't mean to" pick me apart & he "understands what I am going through, that I'm going through alot right now." I simply ask him what does he want me to be doing differently?? Nothing is always the answer. He knows that I am doing what I can to right my wrongs. He's more pissed & frustrated at the situation than at me. But, when these moods strike, they are meant to remind me of all the mistakes that I've made & that he has to carry the weight of this whole family. Everything is my fault, whether it really is or not. When I was using & he talked to me like this, I already felt guilty & like I was doing wrong, so I'd go right along with him thinking like "what have I possibly done this time?" and that it was all my fault. My Mother & him would be talking on the phone & he'd say "Your never going to believe what she has done this time...etc,etc. I feel like I'm raising Kay's (our oldest daughter)older sister over here. I don't have a wife, I have another child." He is still angry with me, whether he wants to admit it or not, I can feel it. When we discuss it, it's almost pointless. He tells me that he has forgiven me & that he's sticking by me, isn't he?" And he is still right here with me, but constantly holding my past against me now. Like I said, though, although it hurts my feelings & sends me on an emotional rollercoaster ride, I can still understand why he feels like he does. I get upset, but how can I blame him? He didn't used to treat me this way, but I've lied, cheated & stolen, including his complete trust in me. I'm truly praying that time will be the solution to this dilema. As it gets further & further in the past, it won't be so easily thrown up in my face if I continue on as I am. In recovery & in making good choices, etc. (like my schooling) I know that we both want to make it work & that means everything right now. I asked him if he'd consider coming to counseling with me & he agreed, if I want him to. He's an incredible man & it makes me sick to think about the destruction I've caused our relationship. I want to spend my life with this man & I'm grateful that he's even still sticking by me. I'm desperately praying that time will heal these wounds. I believe it will. Just continue on. "Keep on keeping on.." It only hurts so much because it's true. Guilt, like a deep wound that continually gets re-opened, ripping away at my heart. Sad
I still believe that we can make it though. I need us to get through, I'm counting on it. Exclamation It hurts right now, but that is a great reminder & motivator for me to not use. I don't want any of us to have to go through this ever again because of me. I've had my turn & I feel lucky to even be alive, much more, still with my family. I'm not going to go backwards. (period.) I'm to a point with my addiction, and we both know this, that I can choose either to recover or I will die. Death. Recovery or death? It seems like such an obviously easy choice from where I'm sitting today. Much different than last year, I have to admit. I've really created difficult situations all around me that need resolving. Not major things, but there are so many. It takes me right back to Dee & I talking about & making lists to help us from feeling overwhelmed.
When it seems to be a mountain, it's more like a lot of hills when you put it in perspective. Question I need to keep a healthy perspective. I never want to have that "poor me pity party" and that means making good decisions & choices. My hubby told me that if I ever question myself on "what am I doing?" then I probably shouldn't be doing it. He told me to call him & tell him what I'm thinking of doing or my Moher. He said neither of us would ever give you bad advice or lead you wrong. He is exactly right. If it's something that I can't tell him about, then I shouldn't be doing it. That is how I am living now. I just hope it's not too late.. Question
Well, ladies, I've laid alot out there today. I'd really like your feedback, to help me with my feelings of doubt & validation. If you get a chance, please give me your input. Or a better way of handling these type of situations? Question I'm still learning all the time!! Exclamation (by the way, I got signed up for January, spring semester at college yesterday. Yea!! Very Happy I'll tell you more about that later.) Love to hear back. Thanks for letting me vent some of these issues out. I appreciate any help I can get.
Love Your Friend,
BFye I love you
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nannamom
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Tue 16 Dec 2008, 7:21 pm

Beth,
It saddens me to see you going through all of this, Sad but I am proud of you for the strength that you are showing. I want to say something and I hope that I'm not out of line on this.
When I read back through all of your posts you repeat the same message, of how wrong you were and how great your husband is. Yes, you did wrong, and you have done wrong more. And yes, your husband standing by you is great. But I want you to quit beating yourself up over your past. It is your past. And your husband no matter how great he may be, has got to stop beating you up (emotionally) over your past. Throwing things in your face is not going to make things better. Only worse. Discussing you with your mother is not right either. Your mother can be there for you if you choose her to be, she is your mother. But he should'nt be discussing you with her. silent
Please make the appointment for the both of you to go to the counsling. ASAP.
For your husband to point out how much money you wasted in the past, isn't going to help now. Even if you wouldn't have spent that money on o.c's it wouldn't be there for him to use now.
You are the glue to your family, you are what holds it together. And I must say that you are a lot stronger that I am. Because if it were my husband throwing the hurtful words at me, I would have told him where to go, quick fast and in a hurry. But that's me. Wink In fact I remember one time I did tell him that. It used to be that when we would argue about money, he would always tell me that he supported me through my "pill days" over and over he would bring it up. Finally one day he said it, and I turned around and told him, I am not the person that I used to be and if he couldn't see that, then he needed to leave, then I left. That was a long time ago, we have learned not to throw things from the past into the present. ( I'm guilty as well )
Now we talk. We don't always agree, but we do get out what is really bothering us.
Ask your husband what is really bothering him. It could be that he is using your past to avoid going into deeper waters.
I hope and pray that the two of you can work it out. Either way, we are all here for you any time that you need us.
Sending many prayers your way
Dee
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Mez

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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Thu 22 Jan 2009, 10:34 pm

sunny Hello to all of you at the bright end of the tunnel. It is going to take a week to get out internet on but its coming..........

I am pressed for time as I have to work over the other side of the city at the moment. I'm working in palliative care for now and that really puts things into perspective for me. People constantly amaze me. I'm still going well with the sub. but I have really been feeling emotional lately and I can't wait to get back on here daily for some strength, hope and caring. My daughter is coming from interstate tomorrow and I can't wait to be with her. We have always been very close and she moved away about six months ago for the first time in her twenty young years. I'm going to get her to teach me how to put some pics up. I just love seeing where all of the different places you all come from.

You must be soooo excited about your new President. Neil and I sat up all night watching the inauguration and it was mindboggling to see so many people full of hope. It's about time there was some hope spread around the world.

Does anyone still write letters? I was wandering if maybe Dee, Barbara, Beth would like to swap addresses so I can at least do some old fashioned catching up. Is that a silly idea?

We are still in the grips of a heatwave down unda and I am getting really sick of the humidity. My poor dogs and cats are too. Of course the birds don't seem to mind a bit.

The friends I have made on here are so important to me. I constantly wonder what everyone is up to and seem to only manage a glimpse when I get on to the internet cafe. I wrote all these wonderful words of hope and wisdom the other night and just as I was about to press send, my bloody money ran out. Evil or Very Mad I was not happy.

I'm just practicing some patience about our computer.

The warning screen has just come on.

Gotta go.

Take it easy everyone. And I can't wait to meet some new members as well as my priceless friends.

Lots of love.

Mez.xxxxxxxx flower
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Barbara Rue

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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Fri 23 Jan 2009, 10:35 am

Hi Arra, dear,

What I see happening with your husband and I maybe wrong, but doubt it. You're getting yourself together and doing things he probably had to look after when you was using. Now you can do for yourself, it takes away from what he was doing. He is losing the control he once had and he subconsciously or not doesn't like this change. He may be thinking, What if she found somebody else now that she's becomming a decent human being? What if she became a better person than me after all the bad things I've said? One thing a man hates to do is admit he was wrong. He probably figures if I keep my foot in the middle of her back, she won't leave me. I've found 75% of men leave their mate after an addiction recovery, while 75% of women stay with their mates. I'm not saying in your case this will happen, but it's the norm. Time will stop his complaining to his Mother, cause if he's telling the truth, he will have nothing to complain about. I want you to rise out of the ashes like the famous phoenix, the mythical bird of beauty. I feel so strongly (devil) things are trying to keep you down, and you are such a pleasant person, you make an easy target. You have time on your side, but remember so does the devil. He is very patient. You also have on your side you are quite educated and can express yourself in such a way, you can get rid of the mire bogging you down. They say the devil can't read or write because God took away any humanistic qualities. All he can do is cause trouble and mayhem. He may and it sounds like he is, working through your husband. I'm not saying your husband is the devil. I'm saying the devil uses people, animals and your mind to draw you back in. The ones who are out there drugging and doing his will, nothing ever happens to them, well, that they care about. When you start turning around, he comes after you desperately after you to return. Thank God, science got smarter than him and we have help (suboxone) he can't destroy. All sorts of bugger things are going to start happening to me, but I don't care. I want my friend to get well and build a happy home with all in your family. I ask for protection for us all and it will be there. Arra, just keep holding on and the love and trust will come for you. The money will get better. I just got $185. back from my morgage escrow account, my union brothers and sisters took up a collection for me. I saw you said something about prayer, that's why I'm telling you to pray about the money. Pray for your husband because he's hurting too and he doesn't understand what is happening. We do, if we look off in the distance. Honey, take a deep seat and get a far away look in your eye cause it's going to be a long ride. Just like all long rides, we will reach our destination. You are a strong woman and you care about others. You're going to make it, so smile and look mysterious...it drives them nuts cause you are suppose to be cowaring down and you're not.

My best to you. I hope to hear things are changing for the better. If not, I've always wanted to come to Australia...I'll come and bash some sense into that husband of yours...well, it may take both of us. lol

Yours in the srtuggle,
Barbara
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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Fri 23 Jan 2009, 8:30 pm

Hi Mez!!
How are you love?? I was so glad to get on & see a post from you!! I've missed you much & can't wait to hear how things have been going for you! It's been since before the New Year that I've really gotten to hear much from you, other than our quick PMs. I'm happy to hear that your still feeling well on the Subs!
As for our new president, I really don't know. I'm almost feeling like I don't want to get my hopes up, but that man can speak very well. He is seeming to bring a new hope to the country, but I really believe that the country would be reacting the same towards any new president, simply because we've been struggling as a Nation for several years now. While Bush was president, the divide between the rich & poor just got much deeper, as it didn't matter to him since he has all that money. There's just basically no "middle class" any longer. It seems to be that your either really wealthy or really struggling. It almost requires making over $50,000 a year, depending also on the size of your family & where you live, but where we are, $50,000 is about the lowest income you can make it by on. The inflation has been terrible, as well as the market, the gas prices, housing, etc. The value of our house has decreased by nearly a third due to these banking crisises, but its not like our property tax has gone down by a third. It has in fact, increased once again! Now, how can that even be possible? But they are used to that money from those taxes & do you really think that they are going to take that kind of profit loss? They can't because of our nation being so far in debt that they can't even see a way out.. How about not sending all of this money out, but helping those that need it here first?? Our kids schools need a levy passed very badly to upgrade the school to be able to have space for more & more that are coming in, but we were also told that, if it passes, it will most likely bankrupt one of our next door neighbors?? We are at the financial worst that I've ever remembered, comparable with the recession of the late seventies. We've definately felt the effects of the economy in these past couple of years. Matt's work has gone from booked three months ahead to almost non-existant here this winter.. He's traveling to southern Ohio, nearly three hours away, for half of his normal wages. But, at this point, he can't afford to be picky & has to take whatever work he can get. He's had to get creative in the past few years & has actually gone outside his "normal" work to pick up whatever's available. He's been doing things such as pouring cement & is building a pole building right now. He's very talented & normally remodels restaurants & bars, as well as upgrading the shelving in supermarkets & building the counters for such things as "soup & salad bars" found within grocery stores. He also remodels homes or puts on additions. He's excellent with woodworking, doing trim, stairwells, yada, yada.. Wink For quite a long while, almost a year close to the time that I was pregnant with Caroline, they had a contract doing work for the chain of "Red Robin" restaurants. They were doing repairs & remodeling on many of their stores up & down the East coast. He had to travel alot, but they compensated him well for it! Sometimes, its nice to be self employed, other times, not so nice, if there's no work available.
I'm looking forward to starting a part time job on February 3rd. I'm excited to start earning some of my own money again!
Well, Mez, you know me & that I go on & on.. I've really missed you & look forward to your internet coming back on as well!! Look forward to hearing from you soon!
Love,
Bethy I love you
Like a Star @ heaven Also, if you'd like to swap addresses, I think that it'd be great to be able to send each other cards & such! But, we should do that by PM. Let me know whenever you like on how we should do that or when..
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Barbara Rue

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PostSubject: Re: The Value Of A Friend   Fri 23 Jan 2009, 10:34 pm

Hi Arra,

Could you find my post and respond to me? I'm anxious to hear from you. I feel you are going through a lot of head changes and I feel I can help. I'll be here.

Love to you,
Barbara
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