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 Thought For Today 11/14/09

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nannamom
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PostSubject: Thought For Today 11/14/09   Sat 14 Nov 2009, 12:04 pm




Making Positive Changes In Addiction Recovery

Anyone who has gone through very early recovery can tell you that at first everything seems like it will just fall into place. You have stopped your physical addiction and have been working on your mental addiction. You are walking around in your pink cloud and life is good. And then...

Well, and then you realize that things aren't just going to get better on their own. You have not miraculously become the person you've always wanted to be. Are you ready to do something about that?
The reason I'm brining up this subject (once again) is because I have a sibling that in late December of 2007 entered into addiction recovery. I have had to sit back and watch my addict family member go through all of the difficulties that early recovery brings.

I've seen the highs and I've seen the lows and I can empathize with both. Recently I have noticed that although he has stopped using drugs, he still has some of the negative behaviors that come along with a full blown addiction.

I know first hand that modifying bad behaviors can be a difficult thing to do. But no matter how difficult it is, it is a necessary change that must be made in order to start building your self confidence back up and to put the building blocks in place for a successful recovery.

Making Postive Changes In Addiction Recovery
Anyone who has gone through very early recovery can tell you that at first everything seems like it will just fall into place. You have stopped your physical addiction and have been working on your mental addiction. You are walking around in your pink cloud and life is good. And then...

Well, and then you realize that things aren't just going to get better on their own. You have not miraculously become the person you've always wanted to be. Are you ready to do something about that?
The reason I'm brining up this subject (once again) is because I have a sibling that in late December of 2007 entered into addiction recovery. I have had to sit back and watch my addict family member go through all of the difficulties that early recovery brings.

I've seen the highs and I've seen the lows and I can empathize with both. Recently I have noticed that although he has stopped using drugs, he still has some of the negative behaviors that come along with a full blown addiction.

I know first hand that modifying bad behaviors can be a difficult thing to do. But no matter how difficult it is, it is a necessary change that must be made in order to start building your self confidence back up and to put the building blocks in place for a successful recovery.

I know that I struggled with some lingering consequences of my addiction which had me thinking at some points that change was just not possible for me.

All I can say is that I kept trying to do the right thing each and every day and finally my hard work paid off and I was relieved of some of my more crippling bad behaviors.

I guess I'm just getting frustrated with my brother. I don't know if he understands how self absorbed and selfish he can come off to other people as. That behavior is not something that goes away. You need to identify it and make a conscious effort to change it. That's the only way that these things are corrected.

But then I ask myself, am I being too hard on him? Is it too soon? Will he eventually work this stuff out on his own? I don't know. I don't think it would have done me any good to have someone point out my faults in the beginning. I knew what they were, I just didn't know how to change them right away.

I guess what I can do is this...let him know when he pi**es me off. By doing this I'm not saying to him hey you need to hurry up and change this, this and this about yourself but at least I will be speaking up and drawing attention to some of his more negative behaviors.

I must say that I really have to give credit to all of the people out there that have gone through the ordeal of having an addict/recovering addict in their lives. I have dealt with addiction first hand which was difficult but having to sit by and watch a loved one is heart wrenching.

Taken From "What Winners Do"

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PostSubject: Re: Thought For Today 11/14/09   Sat 14 Nov 2009, 5:29 pm

Dee,
Hi. As I was reading your post, I thought that you made an excellent point. It does get so frustrating & heart wrenching for those people who do love an addict, but I can also tell you that by pointing out all of their faults, especially when we are still trying to get a grip on them ourselves, does not help anything, but rather, makes the self loathing even worse. That certainly doesn't mean that I don't think that you should try to discuss it with him, but try to remember that he is just now learning who he really is & that may be a very hard transiton for him. If you can use reverse pychology by turning it around so that he figures out DUH! on his own, without anyone having to say it to him, then he is learning & recovering & you are not feeling like your only worsening his situaiton by pointing out these flaws. He will be able to see them on his own. Or he won't, but until he does, he is not going to believe anyone else. I hate it when my flaws are continually thrown up at me. I am still trying to work on them & getting it all figured out. I make mistakes, I suffer the consequences, I grow even more, but I am sticking with my recovery! I am going to get this other situation handled by knowing that I WILL be physically safe, as well as having some little precautions set up to prevent easy accessibilty & Dee, that was my idea. I have it set up for the first three days that I am home, I will have someone here with me & the kiddos. I will go over the rest of the ideas that I am wanting to bounce off of you in a pm, but I am petrified of the PAWS. But I just have jumped topics on you & know what it feels like to be in recovery, but to have people only point out my flaws & it really does bother me as well. I feel that my Mom gets her little "digs" in sometimes. Like when I couldn't go from 4 to 3 Valium & the doctor yelled at me & she said "well you didn't follow his directions & your lucky he's still willing to see you" Dee, I am still not down to three per day, prescribed 3 1/2 a day. But then she had proceeded on with, you can just never listen to anyone,you do whatever you want to do, however you want to do it. She asks me to be honest with her, so I am & she freaks out on me! It's hard to make me want to be honest with her when I feel like she's going to be upset no matter what I say. The very last thing I want to do is hurt my Mom any longer. Or my husband or children or parents & siblings. I want to succeed! I have the feeling like everyone around me is expecting me to fail, thus that sets me up for failure in my mind. I cannot go in there with that attitude. I have to go there knowing that I WILL succeed & make it through this! That I am safe physically, so its a matter of taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, but with my entire life riding on it. I'm a hell of a bronco rider girl! I am detemined more than ever to accomplish this & prove to myself & every doubter out there that I am more than this! I want to get that same trust back from my Mom that Buca wants to find from her daughter. And from my husband, who has still been by my side throughout all of this. I want to show my children their real mother, without any absolutely unnecessay drugs in my system. I do not want to miss their childhood, as I do feel like I have missed alot of Nadine's, not because I wasn't there with her, but because I wasn't "there" with her. She never knew, she was never affected, until legal issue, but she was still young enough to not understand & was okay with Grandma. She actually never knew about where I went until I did that radio program & they were listening upstairs. She's been informed of much more since then, compliments of Matt's temper tantrums, he doesn't want her to think that he is yelling at me for nothing, so he tells her about one time that I had a knife & ran out the door & said I was going to commit suicide. This was over three years ago & she was 11 then, not 14, I was obviously pretty wasted & he was giving me hell, I didn't even know what I was doing. But he most certainly doesn't need to be telling her these things now when it is in anger towards me. She was crying because how could I ever think about suicide with having her & the babies & Dad & my parents & how would she ever live without me, etc. I told her that was the very reason that I didn't or haven't. I will not ever intentionally hurt my children. But what Matt has done is gotten Nadine to question me, he undermined me. He told her things that a child does not need to know. So, when I tell her to do her chores the next day, she looks at me like, yeah right! Matt gets home finally & says something to her & she jmps up & gets it all handled. I talked to her about it all & I think that we are all good again, but she said that when he was telling her those things that she was upset with me for lying to her. I explained what I just told you, that she was 11, not 14 at that time. Many adults have a difficult time trying to understand addiction, how do you explain it to an 11 year old? And that I knew that I was living my life wrong, so I have made changes to get off of those pills that I was on. She said, yeah, but now your just on a different kind. I said yes I am, but am even close to being that same Mom that I used to be, she says no, but she misses that Mom! The one that laughed & had energy & wanted to go places & do everything. She said she barely ever sees me smile anymore. (and she said & that my smile is the prettiest thing about me!) I want to get back to that happy go lucky, free spirited, FUN smiling Mama again! I wish to God that I knew how to get back to "me." Because all growing up, she only knew me on opiates, what if I cannot find that person again? Truthfully, I do not know who I am going to find when I finally am "healed" because I have been on some sort of a pill for my entire adult life. And I also understand that people can simply get addicted to the action of taking something everyday, just like an heroin addict that shoots up, then gets clean, but still misses the needle chill. I have heard of people taking a Vitamin instead (sort of like a placebo effect) when it comes to the "need" to just tke a pill. Yet, I will still be on my other medications, so I am in hopes that should not give me problems. I want to find that smile again Dee! That is my goal, to relearn to smile!
Thank you for your above post briging your perspective to my table as well as giving you mine, knowing what it feels like to know that you've done wrong, but don't quite know how to fix everything yet. It would be great if he is willing to openly discuss it & learn from you, maybe you could suggest that to him? Then, you can explain why these particular actions are not productive towards his recovery. Then let him do what he needs to do with it, process it, but you will have said your piece in a calm, rational fact based tone, it will stick in his head, regardless of how he reacts. You may save his life Dee! You are an angel!!
Thank you again for bringing that topic to attention, as it hits close to home for me as well. And any time that I notice a flaw or one is pointed out, I sit & contemplate it & see if that is the actuality of it, and by God, if it is true, then I want to correct it. And I set about doing so because I wasted too long saying tomorrow. The time is NOW!
Love you my very dear friend,
Beth
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PostSubject: Re: Thought For Today 11/14/09   Sat 14 Nov 2009, 8:26 pm

Beth
I think you may have misunderstood. I personally did not write that posting. It was taken from "What Winners do"
I often take quotes, stories and poems from sites that I often visit and get inspiration from. And I include the link from that posting at the bottom of the posting. Which is what I did from the one above.
This is not necessarily how I feel or how the rest of us feel. But I thought it was important to bring another opinion to the table.
When I posted it I wanted to give everyone anothers view. That's all.
Enjoy your evening
Dee

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