Suboxone: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

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 Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain

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nannamom
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PostSubject: Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain   Sat 14 Nov 2009, 7:38 pm




Good Evening everyone,
We have a new member to welcome in our home this evening. Her name is atitagain. She is currently a Suboxone patient and has had quite a journey in her recovery. I will let her share that journey with you when she is up to it.
It is good to have you her with us atitagain, you already know my name but I would like to introduce you to our other moderators of them forum. Their names are Barbara and Beth. Both a great ladies and I'm sure that once you get to know them you will see just how special they are.
If you have any questions about how to post on the forum let us know and we will be more than happy to help. Feel free to read the postings of the other members and comment when you see something that interests you.
Once again, Welcome my friend.
Dee

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PostSubject: Re: Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain   Sun 15 Nov 2009, 12:09 pm



Dee,
Thank you so very much for the warm welcome. You are and have always been sunshine in my life, I have missed you more than you know!! I also want to say hello to all the wonderful members of this awesome forum! I spent most of the day yesterday reading posts and trying to get to know some of you. I must've forgot how important it was to have such good friends and a big support system close by in hard times which in turn led me to relapse several times, not reaching out for help when I needed it the most??? I am so happy to have found you all and can't wait to get to know you better. I will close for now but you will definitely be hearing from me!

Hugs,
Jessi
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PostSubject: Re: Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain   Sun 15 Nov 2009, 3:21 pm



Hello and Welcome Atitagain!
How are you doing on this Sunday morning? Are you hanging in there? From what I understand from Dee's post, you are already into recovery & taking Suboxone for maintenance throughout your recovery. Is that correct? How long have you been on the Suboxone? How does it work for you? Do you have a good Provider that will work with you & listen to you or not so much? I ask out of curiosity because as we have had more & more members talking about their own providers, well I cannot believe that is the treatment that they are receiving. I, myself, have also gone through this exact situation. I will tell you more about that later if you care to hear or if it relates to your own situation.
My name is Beth & as you have most likely deduced, I am also a Suboxone patient. I have been taking it for a little over 20 months. I began my own recovery 2 years ago this upcoming January, when I entered a detox that used Subutex for detoxing opiate dependency. That was the very first time that I had ever even heard of this kind of medication. I remained in detox from Monday morning until Saturday morning & felt great while I was in there, but then they send you home. I did great for a few days, but then it was like I was right back to where I had begun. All of the same withdrawal feelings & especially the cravings were there & felt stronger than ever! I immediately felt the need to go on the "hunt" to find something to ease my body, soul & especially, my ever crazy brain! I found a "Friend" who I was lucky enough to purchase some Methadone from & made the decision that I also needed to go onto Methadone to remain off the opiates (oxycontins) as well. I asked him about his doctor & he told me that his doctor was full & not accepting new patients right now, but he had heard of another doctor in the area who would write them. I immediately made an appointment to see him, went in & laid out my entire story & asked if he could help me. This doctor, in fact, had never written a script for Methadone in his life & although he wanted to help me, he said he didn't know enough about Methadone to feel comfortable prescribing it. BUT he also told me just how very brave I was for coming in & telling him all of this & that I must truly desire recovery, so he was going to help me. He told me that he had a good friend that was also a doctor that dealt with addiction & he would talk to him about what I needed to do. In the meantime, he continued to write me my oxycontins to avoid me being sick & to keep me off the streets due to the danger & the outrageous prices that were being charged on the streets for this drug. He called me back a couple of days later (the doctor did call me personally! WOW!) He let me know that he had spoken to his colleague & that rather than Methadone, I should get into a Suboxone provider, so this very same doctor set me up rather quickly with a Provider & kept my oxycontins filled until the day before I was to go in for my Induction. I don't know how you felt when you first began taking it, but for me, it felt like an absolute miracle! I had tried to quit so many times before, in so many different ways & I always failed! Every single time! I had myself convinced that I was beyond hope! The Suboxone proved me wrong!! It has saved my life! That was May 5th, 2008 that I started the Suboxone. My whole life did a complete turn about. I had a life back. I had hope again, as well as a future because I no longer had to live "high" to "high" which was no longer even getting me high, just preventing me from being sick everyday. I was lying to my husband, my Mom, everyone, but especially those who were the closest to me, the ones that cared & were trying to help me. Those were the people that I was hurting the very worst. And by going onto the Suboxone, I no longer had to do these things. I no longer had to live my life full of regrets & shame & guilt. Of course, it doesn't go away overnight, as I am sure that you already know, but everyday that I could live without doing something that I regretted was another day that I could live with myself! Does that make sense? Then, another day, which turns into a week, then a month, then a year, you see where I am going. I have pride in my opiate recovery & I do not want to lose that. I do not want to go back, by any means. I still have other areas in my life that need fixing, but I am confident that I am a strong woman with a true desire to be happy without drugs in my life. This forum has helped me through any and/or all of this. That is what we are all about here. I have met my very best friends here who are helping to guide me through my journey of recovery. God has put them in my path on purpose, as He is all knowing, to learn from & as my angels! We do not judge, nor allow any of our members to be talked to disrespectfully, we only want to have a safe place to come to in recovery from opiates to be able to talk to others just like ourselves. We understand the need of people needing maintenance medications to stay in remission of our disease, We undertsand that our brain needs time to heal. (hopefully) We are just here for each other to be able to vent out what we are struggling with in our recovery that day & many times, another member has had a similar experience & can tell you what worked best for them & what didn't. You can take from it what you like, but at least it's an honest experience from someone who has been through it before & doesn't want to see you make the same mistakes or encourage you that you ARE doing exactly as you should be and keep on going girl!! I don't yet know your story, but again, my name is Beth and as Dee had mentioned, I am also one of the moderators here along with Dee & Barbara. If you have any questions or anything that you would like to talk about, please know that we have ALL been right where you are now & you decided to join because you have something going on, so I ask of you AtitAgain, will you post me back let me know what the real deal is & how you are doing, for real? By letting it off of your shoulders here to us, it is like a weight is lifted from your shoulders because you are no longer alone anymore. We all remember & know that everyday in recovery isn't easy either. It's nice to have people who truly do understand the feelings that you are having. It's nice to have friends tell you when they are proud of you or when they think you may be making a questionable decision. It proves to me that much more how much that they really care about me. And I know that I would do the same for these friends in a heartbeat! Know what is crazy about it AtitAgain, none of us have ever even gotten the opportunity to meet one another in person, but I love them like they are sisters! I hope that you will come back & let us know what is going on with you & we can help you find that hope and encourgement and friendship again! I love coming onto here & seeig that we have new members because it means that another person is getting out of that vicious cycle!! In your case, it seems that you are already on the Suboxone, so Kudos to you AtitAgain!
I really do look forward to getting to know you better & am in hopes that you will share a bit about yourself. If you are not comfortable yet, please continue reading, but also know that you can send me a private message, which is at the top of he page on the far right buttons, it says "MP" on it, but I do know that it hekps to share. Or since you have already gotten to know Dee & she is such a wonderful woman as well as an example of such a successful woman in recovery. Yet, I also encourage you let all of us members get to know you a bit so that you will become part of the family! Either way, we hope to hear from you soon!!!
Again, Welcome AtitAgain! I am so very glad that you have made it here.
Yours in Recovery,
Beth
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PostSubject: Re: Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain   Tue 24 Nov 2009, 2:02 am



Wow Beth, thank you so very much for sharing your story, thoughts and feelings with me and everyone else. It is so encouraging to hear such a success story--20 months, congrats to you, and everyone else here for that matter just for taking the first step toward the rest of our lives!!!
I'm sorry that I am just now getting back with you but I had replied to you and I'm not sure what happened to it???? It was this big long post, kinda like yours and I don't know what I did but it didn't get sent. Somehow I saved it in my drafts but I can't find it anywhere Gonna take me a minute to get used to this forum! It's been a while since I've had computer access and now that I do I'm lucky to get 10 minutes a day on it!!! Between the 6 year old wanting to use it all the time and the 3 year old who won't let you sit down more than 5 minutes (unless of course it's in the floor with him playing horsies!!!)
The one thing that stood out to me about your post was our similarities. It was like I was reading my own biography! But I guess that's how it is with our disease. No matter who we are, where we're from the "side effects" are basically the same as with any disease. There may be varying degrees or a few different stories but for the most part the emotional, physical, financial and social effects are all the same and one thing's for sure, our disease took us to places we never wanted to go and for most of us now, never want to go back to!!
As for me, my name is Jessi. Dee tells me you also live in Ohio. Go Bucks!!! I live in the southeastern part. Tonight our county held a town hall meeting on prescription drug abuse in our area. Between last year and this year our county led the statistics in over dose deaths, so I know what you mean about the dangers on the streets and the outrageous costs and it's only going to get worse. They are now shutting down pharmacies and not filling doctor's scripts, there are going to be a lot of desperate people and not enough help for them all. I am thankful to be one of the lucky ones to have a great doctor, even if he is almost 3 hours away. But it took me forever to find a good one! I have seen 4 different doctors in the past 21 months! I went from November of last year until February with no doctor at all and ended up relapsing. This year has been the year of h**l though. I have had many many other issues going on besides using.
I have been back on the suboxone since the end of February. I have actually had to take pain medications on a few occassions and still have pain issues going on. I am going to have to have surgery soon (I've been putting it off!) and unfortunately during those times I have slipped and abused the meds or got stronger ones! I am ashamed to admit it but I know keeping it inside will only make it that much worse. Also with all the other stuff I am dealing with from family and the kids' dad it is hard to let it go but I know I can't dwell on it. I know I have to just pick back up and keep on trucking. So I am doing my best.
I have known Dee for about a year and a half, she and I were very close during that time. She has helped me through so much and knows so much about my life that when all this got too much to handle and I got back to my computer, she was the first person I looked for. I knew I'd find her right here doing what she does best---being a real friend. I admire her with everything I am and also to you and Barbara, who work hard to make sure all of us newcomers feel at home and at ease. I can't express enough gratitude for people like you guys.
As I said, I have A LOT going on right now. and have had the whole year. It seems like no matter how hard I try, something always gets screwed up! I have had my house broke into and my meds stolen, I have been robbed by someone that's supposed to love me (more than once), my medical card has been screwed up a couple times, my mom (who happens to be my landlord) kicked me out and me and the kids had to go to their dad's (biggest mistake I could've made!)---SO IT'S BEEN QUITE CRAZY!!! Thankfully I'm back in my own apartment, renting from my mom but a bunce of stupid stuff had to happen to get that accomplished. But I'll get into that at a later time, it's late tonight and if I get started I'd probably be here until daylight! Although it is all stuff that I really need to get out, to people I know aren't going to judge me or think any way about me other than how they can help me. I am so glad to be here. I'm just not sure where to begin with it all.
So I really just wanted to introduce myself a little and say hi to everyone. And to thank you for replying and being so open and honest, 2 things I have not had in my life in quite some time, with anyone. I can't wait to get to know you and everyone else and look forward to our future friendship!

Love to all,



Last edited by nannamom on Fri 27 Nov 2009, 11:33 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Font color)
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PostSubject: Re: Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain   Tue 24 Nov 2009, 7:51 am



Good Morning Jessi
You may be able to fine that draft if you click on the profile button at the top of this page. Once in your profile look to the far right hand at the top and there is a "drafts" button. Look in there and see if that is where your post went.
I have a few things to get done this morning. But I will be here to check on everyone this afternoon.
much love to all of you
Yous in Recovery,
Dee

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bfye

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PostSubject: Re: Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain   Tue 24 Nov 2009, 2:59 pm






Hello Jessi,
How are you doing today? It was great to hear back from you & about you! I would first of all like to start off by apologizing for the size of my inserted picture, but when I try to shrink it down to the next size, you cannot see any of the details & I really enjoyed your pictures throughout your post, so I wanted to include some as well. I have an absolute love for angels and have been lucky enough to find true angels right here on this forum. As you obviously already know Dee, who has been "The Angel" that God has placed into my path to learn from, to be inspired by throughout my recovery & to become one of my very best friends! When you needed someone & had already known Dee, you made a wonderful decision to come & find her once again! I cannot say enough about her to even describe my feelings of how close I have gotten with this Precious Angel & how thankful I am for that! As well as other special members of this wonderful forum that will be here for you in a heartbeat if you are in need of a true friend. Barbara Rue is the other Moderator, as well as myself, and we really have some great people here who understand & care about where you are & what you are currently struggling through in your recovery, like Cathy & Kimbo. As you very insightfully pointed out, we still have to deal with everything else that is going on in our lives while dealing with our recoveries. I can relate to much of what you are saying about the stress of finding a Provider in this area. I do also live in Ohio, towards the Akron area, but in a small town about 1/2 an hour south. Where are you located? I am thinking over toward the Steubenville area? Closer to West Virginia? Because I know that the Oxycontin epidemic is hitting that area like wildfire right now & as you said, doctors will NO longer write the scripts & the entire communties are getting turned upside down. Like down by Caldwell & Cadiz- the small towns, where the doctors believed the drug reps for oxycontins in saying that they were less addictive & better for patients' livers than the Vicodin & Lortabs & Norco that had been being prescribed due to having less aceteminophin in them. It's a HUGE problem right down in that area, as well as right across the border into West Virginia. I watched a television special on MSNBC & it was primarily focused on this epidemic hitting this part of the country the worst & with not enough medical personnel to handle what they have created. Is this what you are also experiencing? I couldn't fnd a Provider around here for the entire summer long & was actually looking into doctors that were also hours away, even in other states. That is a very scary feeling, as I know that I do not have to tell you that.
It sounds as if you have had relationship issues within this past year & I also can directly relate to that. My husband & I are still together and trying to fight through it as we do have 2 small children (2 & 3) as well as I have a 14 year old as well. Yet, she still considers him her father. At this point, we are doing well & I hope to continue to improve with time & proof of my actions. Meaning that, I am still trying to re-earn my trust, but I understand that and can only prove it by doing it! It has been a really hard year for me as well on that aspect though also. I am still a work in progress.
Jessi, I need to close this up for now, but I look forward to getting to know you much better my friend & despite whatever setbacks you have already had, they are already past, you restart from today (or that day) And your AtitAgain! I respect that you didn't dwell on your relapse & give you the excuse to go back to that lifestyle, but instead said, I am going back on the Suboxone & I am getting well. Good for you & I say Kudos to your dedication to wanting to be well!!
Good Job Jessi!
I look forward to hearing more from you soon!
Your Friend in Recovery!
Love,
Beth
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PostSubject: Re: Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain   Wed 25 Nov 2009, 3:10 pm

Good Morning ,
Welcome to the group Jessi. My name is Kim.. My story like all the others plays out like a tragedy with a happy ending as long as I stay in my own recovery .I knew back in Feb of this year how bad thing were going to get with my addiction to pain meds at that time I stole one of my girlfriends scripts had it filled and took the meds she went into the pharmacy found out that it was me who had it filled I had told her I had no idea who would do that which was a lie as she found out .She was embarrassed and humiliated having to tell them she knew the person that had done it . Yet when she came home and confronted me about it she said everything would be alright if I just cut back and took my meds as I was supposed to (YA RIGHT WHAT A JOKE ). So for awhile she started handing them out to like I was kid thinking that would help me and save me from myself ..I played that game I had other places to get my pills from to keep my addiction going full blown..That cost money tho so I started nickel and dimming our bank account each and every week little bit here and little bit there .Of course having other buddies that liked the pain meds I would sell some making money to help keep me well. Since I ran the bank accounts she never knew . Then as things got worse I started pawning things here in the house making sure they were back so she didn't notice them gone .Also having bank accounts at 2 different banks helped a lot I could rob Peter to pay Paul as the saying goes the deeper I got the more ashamed I became she never saw that part of me our home life was falling down around me . Me trying to stay well trying keep the home fires burning hearing from her things will get better and us drifting farther apart what a downward spiral no end in sight so I keep taking the pain meds to help kill the pain I knew I was allergic to emotional pain I think that all addicts are ..The bank accounts were screaming for money I needed more pain meds so I took and pawned Jaime's wedding rings that were given to her by her Mom.. In my messed up thinking when push came to shove I could get them back at any time .I did a couple of times ...My luck ran out one night after dinner she went in and brought out the empty boxes that had held the rings at one time the look in her eyes I never want see again the anger and rage was unforgettable ..I lied telling her I had no idea who had stolen them or where they were after about an hour I finally fessed up told her where they were and what had happened ..I felt like million pounds had been lifted off my shoulders everything was now out in the open I didnt have to carry that burden with me any longer wondering when she would find out or how I would get them back with out her knowing ..I started my recovery I had checked on Suboxone did recherche on it found out all I could I had either two ways to go find a steady supply of pain meds that would keep me well and wouldn't break the bank or try something new .I chose the path of recovery and Suboxone I am a functional addict that as long as I'm well I can function in life (like House on TV) and others in the world around us .To people out there don't understand what its like to be dope sick they will never understand what I have gone threw and other addicts hooked on opiates feel when there out IT IS PURE HELL !! I found this forum talked to Dean a couple of times prior to me starting on Suboxone ..I just didn't want to be dope sick .. I did as I was told waited the 24 hrs. and took my first dose of Suboxone and waited and waited didn't go sleep the first night wondering when the cravings would set in and me being dope sick again they never did and to this day no cravings .Jaime had foot surgery back in mid Oct . they gave her my favorites OPIATES.. I was able to fill her scripts have them in the house and not even think about taking any ..WOW what a change for me ..I would have been figuring out how to get as many as I could ..The Dr. was right kicking the pill habit would be easy maybe I'm a lucky one in my recovery that I don't have that issue over my head..I have some issues that are very real now days trust being at the top of the list rebuilding that ..In my eyes once the pills were gone I was cured of my problems of telling the truth There are different people living inside me as I think most of us here will agree too.. The ones that we have hurt have learn to trust us again sure that takes time they have a right to be angry but not to hold us hostage to our past we can go back and undo what has been done or said ..
This Thanksgiving I have a lot to be thankful for ME getting clean family that supports me as in this forum..A Girlfriend that's still with me, my health home and friends ..I know that there will be good days bad days sad days and happy days ..Those days will be better than any day that I was using....!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving and welcome to our famliy

Kimbo
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PostSubject: Re: Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain   Thu 26 Nov 2009, 9:03 pm

Hello again Jessi,

Dee has been a friend of mine too for almost three years. We followed each other from another forum. She has helped me through some serious changes. Beth is great too. I just wanted to welcome you again and hope some of our other members start posting as well.


I've got horses, of which I just heard one of them cry out. I have to go see what is going on. My best to you and hope you stay with us.

Your friend,
Barbara
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PostSubject: Re: Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain   Fri 27 Nov 2009, 11:41 pm

Good evening everyone,
I just re-read over the posts that everyone made to Jessi. I have a habit of coming here and reading over and over again as a way to help keep myself in check mentally.
Kimbo, In reading again what you posted, I have to tell you that I am so proud of you. You have indeed come a long way.
I can see your growth in your words. You seem to have more confidence. Great going!
Now that I've had my say, I'll give the post back to Jessi.
Yours in Recovery,
Dee

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PostSubject: Re: Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain   Tue 15 Dec 2009, 1:28 am




Hello all you wonderful people!!! I first want to apologize for taking so long to reply, unfortunately my internet was shut off for a couple weeks or so but I was finally able to get the $$ to get it back on!! Thank goodness, the kids were driving me crazy for playhouse disney!

Kim, you sound like a wonderful person and I want to thank you for sharing your story. It is so inspiring to hear how well you are doing with your recovery. Keep up the good work and I hope to get to know you better in the coming months. I think it's awesome that we all have a place to come and people to relate to.

Barbara, thanks for the welcome and the hard work and dedication that yourself, Dee and Beth all have to this forum. Your time in recovery gives me hope and determination to put the work in that it takes to get that far. You guys have helped me and so many other people more than you will ever know. I am glad to know that you guys are here if I'm in a crisis or just need a friend. Thank you again.

And to everyone else, I hope all is well and can't wait to get to know some of you!

Lotsa love,
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PostSubject: Re: Welcome to the Suboxone Forum atitagain   Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:31 pm

Hi Jess,

I've been gone for awhile myself. I've been fighting off a cold my brother and I seem to be passing it back and forth. Tonight I went out to feed the horses and got side kicked by one of them. He was kicking at the other one and I got in the way. I've wrapped my leg up and had cold compresses on it for the last four hours now. If it's not better in the morning, I'm going to my Orthropedic doctor for xrays. I don't mean for this to be all about me. I am concerned how everyone is doing. I'm so glad you are still with us. I'm thrilled all of us are still doing well. We are all gifted with expressing ourselves and sending out the message of hope and courage.

I'd better get some rest.
Yours to love,
Barbara
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