Suboxone: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Gain knowledge and share experiences with Suboxone, to obtain support through coming together with one bond in common-To help, support and educate others.
 
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Deanna



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Number of posts : 8
Age : 37
Registration date : 2010-01-18

PostSubject: New Member   Mon 18 Jan 2010, 8:22 pm

Hello my name is Deanna, I am a recovering opiate addict. I am 29 years old with a four year old son. I have been on Suboxone for 16 months. I have finally found what I have been looking for when i stumbled onto this forum. I don't know a single person that is on suboxone so I have been dealing with this for some time alone.
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nannamom
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Humor : Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. -Christopher Reeve
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PostSubject: Re: New Member   Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:29 am



Hi Deanna,
Welcome aboard!
It is great to have you here with us. I am happy to see that you are posting. I hope you will continue to post and become a regularly active member of the forum.
We have many members but only a handful that post on a regular basis. I guess that's okay. But I think a continuous flow of support while in recovery is so important.
Now that you have posted I am sure you will have many responses, Beth, Cathy, Barbara myself and of course Kimbo and Lori, There are too many to list. Anyway they will all be here to answer your post as soon as they all log in.

When I first started Suboxone, I also didn't know of anyone that was taking this medication and to be honest the only people that I know personally are the people of this forum. I know we have Suboxone patients in my community but as to who they are, I haven't a clue.
From time to time I have run into the "old crowd" that I used to hang around with and they tell me they are on Suboxone and haven't used in months but the next words out of their mouths are to ask me if I know where they can find "anything" so I steer clear of them. They are also the ones that were always "kicking"

I still have my friends my family here, so I am fine with that. I see you have been taking Suboxone for 16months. How is it going for you? What dose are you currently on? How does your doctor treat you and what about his/her staff.
I know that I must appear to be one of the nosiest people around but I am always interested in hearing about other Suboxone provider and how the patients are treated by the office staff.

To tell you just a little bit about myself, I have been in recovery since 2002, the first four years I was an MMT patient and for the last 3 1/2 years I have been taking Suboxone. I am not sure how long I will be on this medication but I don't really think about it anymore. If I have to be on it for life then so be it.
All I can say is, my life isn't what it used to be thank goodness, my family can finally wake up every day and know where I am, what I am doing and that I am alive.
That is the biggest reward of all. To know that my family doesn't have to worry about me.
I have 6 children all but one of them are out of the house and grown. My son Kris is 16 and is the light of my life. Anyone here can tell you that he is my pride and joy. I love all of my children don't get me wrong. But Kris is special, we have a bond like no other. He has been through so much is his young life. More than most adults. But I won't get into all of that right now. One day but not right now.
Are you currently attending counseling for your addiction? Are there any groups in your area that you can attend to meet other people?
Yes, I know again with the questions.
Let us know how you are doing and what we can do for you. When you have time, please check out our Suboxone Assisted Treatment website along with the Medical Assisted Treatment of America Inc website. Both websites were created by our founder and CEO Deborah Shrira. She is a wonderful lady, I'm sure you will get to meet her as well. She usually stays busy with the Medical Assisted Treatment website while I work on the Suboxone Assisted Treatment website along with answering emails. But she still does visit the forum when time permits.
The links to the Websites are at the ends of all of my posts.
Again I am glad to have to here with us,
Yours in Recovery,
Dee

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"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin."
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bfye

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Humor : There is no room in your heart for anger when you are filled with gratitude.
Registration date : 2008-11-20

PostSubject: Re: New Member   Tue 19 Jan 2010, 6:10 pm



Hello Deanna,
How are you doing? My name is Beth & I received your email & wanted to let you know where your post was. I did come over to the forum after receiving your message & it is posted under "New Member" as well as with a response from Dee, telling you a little about the forum.
I am very glad that you did stumble upon this forum as it has worked wonders for me. I have actually met my very best friends there, who understand addiction & recovery. I am glad that the Suboxone has worked so well for you. It did for me as well. I am a recovering opiate addict as well, obviously, and the Oxycontins were my devil! But since starting the Suboxone May 5th, 2008, I have been freed from that addiction. Thank you God & this miracle medication! It has saved my life as well as my family. I have a "husband" (if common law still exists & before God, but not by legal standards yet) & we have three children. We have a 14 year old daughter, a 3 year old daughter & a 2 year old son. I understand how hard it is to work your recovery with toddlers who need all of your attention, but it is crucial for me to keep it a top priority because when I get too far away from it, it rears its ugly had & somehow makes sense to justify using. The Suboxone saved me from that because I can function, without being sick & without those awful cravings calling my name every second of every day! Does that make sense the way that I worded it? If I had not found this medication, I really could not tell you where I would be today or if I would even be here, possibly six feet under. What about my children & husband & parents & siblings & friends? Back then, those thoughts didn't even cross my mind when I felt dope sick, I would rather be dead than to live like that another day for the rest of my life. Now, I wonder how I could have even thought these thoughts & not appreciate the wonderful blessings all around me. I am so grateful! But I will be feeling this way & start feeling like I am finally doing well & have it controlled, which I have not relapsed, but when I get too far away from others just like me, I start to lose my necessary spirituality to keep up the fight! That has been going on for me within just the past few weeks, so I have changed things up a bit for myself & started getting involved in more activities. There is a group for Mothers of Preschoolers called "MOPS" & if you go onto that website, you can find a local group in your area, which has a nursery, and where you can meet other mothers in your situation or close to it. Where are you located? It is not based on recovery, but I figure that it will be a good way to try to meet friends that do not use. As well as joining a Bible Study, which I have never done anything like this before & don't yet know what to think, as my first meeting will be Wed. night. They also have a nursery there & my Mom has been going & taking my 14 year old daughter for well over a year & they both love it! The teens are in a different group than the adults, so the topics are based on everyday living in your own age group. I have also begun to go to some meetings again. I sort of got turned off by going because when I spoke of being on Suboxone, they did not consider me to be in recovery! It has kept me away for quite awhile, but as I said, my spirituality has been lacking, at best, in these recent weeks. I have gone to 3 in 3 days now & am beginning to feel the "inspiration" to go on & regaining my sense of where I am in my recovery. As you had mentioned in your post, I don't know anyone else on Suboxone other than the members of the forum & this time when I go to the meetings, I do not plan on bringing up my Suboxone. I completely believe that being on the Suboxone is being in recovery. A diabetic takes insulin for their disease to keep it in remission, what is the difference of taking Suboxone to keep my disease of addiction in recovery? The way that I see it is that it is completely the same, as do the other members of the forum & my own addiction counselor that I see on a weekly basis. My addiction will never be gone, but at least it CAN BE controlled! God bless those that can go off of their drug of choice without needing a maintenance medication, but I am not one of them. I had tried to quit a million times in a million different ways. I have been in legal trouble, financial struggles, family problems & that still didn't stop me from going back. It was when I hit that point of rather being dead than go on another day living like I was that I finally WANTED the help that I had tried to seek for so many years prior. I cannot say that it has been easy, we still have to put in the work, but the Suboxone has made it possible for me to do so! As I am sure that you already know by being on them for over 16 months now. Way to go!!! Only another who has walked in your shoes can understand the strength that it took you to get you to where you are today! As I said, I am so glad that you have found this forum & decided to become a member because there are soo many great people here who understand what we still go through on a daily basis throughout recovery & can let you know what has or has not worked for them, as well as the other way around! Everyday you can get a fresh perspective on an issue that you are working through & what a comfort that is to have!
Deanna, again, welcome to "The Light at the End of the Tunnel" or what I consider my second home! I really look forward to getting to know you better & also wanted to point out to you that I am very proud of you for getting ahold of your addiction at such a young age because you now still have so much bright future ahead of you, as well as for your young son! I am almost thankful that my disease progressed so quickly because it got me into treatment faster & was already in recovery by the age of 32. I realize that I am no young pup, but sure am grateful to not have wasted another year in active addiction. I don't believe that I would have even made it another year at the rate that I was going & the depression that it was putting me into!! I know that I didn't want to, therefore my only option was to die premature as an addict or to get going into my recovery! I didn't want my tombstone to read that she died because she wouldn't fix her addiction! (maybe not in those words, but you know what I mean?!?!) Well, Deanna, now that I have talked or rather typed your ear off, I will close this up for now & truly look forward to hearing from you again soon!
Love Your Friend in Recovery,
Beth
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samigirl56

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PostSubject: Re: New Member   Wed 20 Jan 2010, 5:47 pm

Hi Deanna, My name is Cathy. I have been on Suboxone for all most 1 1/2 years. I am 53 and I been addicted to painpills my whole adult life. I would try to get clean and once I got pass the withdrawals I would be ok for a few months than I would relapsed again. I am happy to say that since I been on Sub. I haven't touched one narcotic painkiller. The most I take is asprin.

I am happy you found this forum. If you stick around You will make some longtime friends here. I don't have any kids but Jon my fiance has 3 kids but they all flew the coup. We do have five dogs though which keeps me pretty busy.

Anyways, I just wanted to welcome you and I hope to get know you alittle better. I am sure if you stick around awhile you will enjoy being on this forum. If you need support or just want to vent this the place to be.

Have a great evening! Cathy
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Deanna



Female
Number of posts : 8
Age : 37
Registration date : 2010-01-18

PostSubject: Re: New Member   Wed 20 Jan 2010, 7:02 pm

Hello Dee, Beth and Cathy very nice to meet all of you! I'm not sure if I am posting correctly or not. Ive tried replying a couple times but I'm not seeing the posts on the forum. Not sure if they have to be viewed by someone before they get posted. So I will start over Smile I have never spoken of my addiction to anyone except for my doctor. Different circumstances prevent me from letting anyone, family or friends from knowing. So let me start by answering some questions. I have been sober since September 11, 2008. From that day, til now I have been on suboxone, I am currently on 4 mgs. My doctor lowered my dose from 6mg to 4mg two months ago ( we see eachother every two months now) . The dose change has been rough, I have had anxiety for most of my life and the dosage change does not help with my anxiety at all. it seems like this dose change has been the worst for me. My doctor is ..ok, he's the kind of guy that makes me feel like this is all a breeze, like it isn't a daily struggle. His staff is wonderful! I have not had any counseling, it has been suggested to me a few times but I just can't seem to get my foot in the door. I have not attended any meetings, the only meetings I have attended where the ones in rehab. Did not have a good experience them. I felt like if you weren't an alcoholic then you shouldn't be there. Don't get me wrong I know alcoholism is a disease also..I was on the recieving end of an abusive alcoholic father. It's just didn't feel welcomed in the meetings. I have been on the road to recovery due to suboxone...without it I would not be sitting here replying to my new friends!!!
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nannamom
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Humor : Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. -Christopher Reeve
Registration date : 2008-11-09

PostSubject: Re: New Member   Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:06 pm




Hi Deanna
Your previous posts may have gotten lost in "cyberspace" they are not viewed by anyone before they are posted to the forum. As the manager of the forum if anyone were to see them first it would be me and I don't.
We all have had times where we work on our posts for hours only to have them disappear. That can be frustrating. Did you maybe hit the preview button instead of the send button? Sometimes your posts will also go into a "drafts file. You can check your drafts file for any posts by clicking on your profile button above and once your profile page loads click on the button that is all of the way to the right.
Deanna do you want to stop taking Suboxone or are you stopping because of your doctor? Or the cost?
I can understand not being able to tell anyone about your addiction. People that have not lived the life you lead could never understand what leads a person into addiction. As for the meetings I don't go. I do attend counseling.
But I didn't start until last year. Until then I had no desire to see a counselor. I felt that if I went to one they would need counseling after they got through with me. My doctor would hint around to the subject every now and then until one day I told her I would give it a try.
I'm glad I did. The counselor that I have not only talks to me but he listens to what I have to say. It is hard for me to describe but I have been able to talk about things I never talk about with anyone. I believe that if you are ready to let it out you will.
Keep posting. We care.
Yours in Recovery,
Dee

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Nannamom
db622@hotmail.com


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin."
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bfye

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Number of posts : 695
Age : 42
Humor : There is no room in your heart for anger when you are filled with gratitude.
Registration date : 2008-11-20

PostSubject: Re: New Member   Wed 20 Jan 2010, 11:50 pm



Hi Deanna,
How are you? It's me Beth & I just got done answering your newest email- hopefully, you have gotten the first one as well.
I hope that you have now been able to find your posts. Did you get my other 2 previous emails letting you know where I had located them? I hope so or that you were just able to figure it out on your own. As I had previously told you, we are so very glad that you have decided to become a member here on this very special forum! I look forward to getting to know you better & am so happy that you have made it here! We look forward to getting to know you better & will be here when you feel like sharing more about you! Welcome home Deanna!
Love your friend in recovery,
Beth
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Deanna



Female
Number of posts : 8
Age : 37
Registration date : 2010-01-18

PostSubject: Re: New Member   Fri 22 Jan 2010, 3:59 pm

Dee, Beth and Cathy thank you ladies for making things go smoothly for me on the forum. All of you are very kind. I'm learning something new on and about the forum everyday! Dee it was not my choice to lower me dose on my suboxone, it was my doctors. When I first started taking suboxone I was dead aginst being on it forever. I relied on pills for so long, I felt like why take away one thing just to add another. Then I thought to myself if I have to be on an antidepressant for the rest of my life then whats the difference with taking one more med. I started suboxone 16 months ago and it has worked wonderful for me.

I feel ashamed/embarassed to go into his office and tell him that going down to 4 mgs has been rough. I don't know if it is just me knowing in my head that I am at a lower dose. Im aggitated, irritated, nervous and I've had a headache that won't stay gone!! Is he gonna think Im a sissy, that its all in my head. I don't no..I will stop rambling on about that lol.

I've got a question for anyone that wants to answer. How did your addiction start? Did it start from a surgery or injury? Recreational use? Mine dark journey of addiction started from a surgery. I had a laparotomy done, the dr sent me home with oxycodone. I took it as prescribed, when the bottle was gone that was it. Then I got pregnant and had to have a c-section, the dr sent me home with demeral and oxycodone. Let the journey begin... I loved that feeling after taking them. I looked for that feeling..not the feeling of being high, that feeling like no one can touch you, no one can hurt you. I loved who it made me become. I was able to come out of this shell that I have lived in for most of my life! I didn't care how anyone treated me, NO ONE was hurting me!! I didn't care that my husband and his family treated me like crap. I was able to let go of the past and forget everyone that hurt me along the way. For once in my life I felt like I was at peace with myself and others. That's what kept me going, that's why my addiction had more power of me than I had over it!! My addiction was just putting a temporary band-aid on my life. Well that band-aid is gone, and the wounds never healed. They are still here in my life everyday...but I don't have to run back to the opiate band-aid...THANKS TO SUBOXONE!!!!!
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nannamom
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Humor : Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. -Christopher Reeve
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PostSubject: Re: New Member   Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:39 pm



Hi Deanna
There is no reason for you to feel embarrassed or ashamed to tell your doctor how you are feeling. You would only be telling him the truth. You are miserable without your medication. There is nothing wrong with that.
Some people find they have to take Suboxone for life, you might be one of those people. Only you can know that for sure.
Talk to your doctor, what can he say to you that you haven't already told yourself. If he still wants you to stop taking Suboxone, we can start looking for another one for you. I would be more than happy to help you if you would like me to.
I get so angry when I hear about people being taken off of a medication that literally saved their lives. Would the doctor take me off of my heart medication just because it was his policy to leave his patients on it for a year AFTER a heart attack?
I know it is not your doctor but the office policy, maybe it is time they changed their policy.
I know it was a hard decision for you to make to start taking Suboxone you should be the one to decide when and if to stop.

Some time back Deborah posted a Question of the day, asking us about why we starting taking drugs and why we continued. The link to that subject is: HERE<<
Not everyone answered the question but a few of us did.
My anser is there. For the most part I did have pain. And I still do. The Suboxone takes the edge off of my pain. Pretty much like you,it gave me my life back. Without it, I know I would not be here today. Hang in ther Deanna, you are amoung friends here. We are like family to each other. And you are a member of our family.
Dee

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db622@hotmail.com


"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin."
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samigirl56

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PostSubject: Re: New Member   Fri 22 Jan 2010, 11:51 pm

Hi Deanna, If I were you I wouldn't feel bad about telling my doctor how I am feeling with the dosage drop. It is almost a year and a half for me and I just got drop to 24mgs a day. My doctor goes much slower than yours. She also told me I will be staying on this dose for good unless I want to come down some more. If you are not feeling well on 4mgs I would let your doctor know and let the Dr. know that you think you will feel better on a higher dose.

As for my addiction, it started with lots of dental work and I used to get really bad headaches and back pain. I had a unlimited supply of painkillers and your right once the bandaid comes off the problems are still there. Thats were support and counseling comes in.

I am going to go for now. I am suffering from my first cold of the year and it is kicking my butt. I'll Talk to you soon. Have a great evening! Cathy
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Deanna



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Age : 37
Registration date : 2010-01-18

PostSubject: Re: New Member   Mon 25 Jan 2010, 2:01 am

I just wanted to stop in and say hello and see how everyone is doing.. Up here where I am at, we are having like a mini ice storm. Driving oughta be very interesting Smile I am headed to the doctors today at 2. Im kinda nervous.. I have to tell him my dose change has not worked very well for me. So we will see how that goes. I hope you all are having a wonderful day
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nannamom
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Humor : Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. -Christopher Reeve
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PostSubject: Re: New Member   Mon 25 Jan 2010, 4:14 pm

Good luck Deanna
We will be with you. Let us know how it goes.
Dee

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Nannamom
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"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin."
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Deanna



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Registration date : 2010-01-18

PostSubject: Re: New Member   Tue 26 Jan 2010, 10:58 pm

Well I went to the doctors and he is keeping me at 4 mgs. I told him how the dose change was rough for me, but I think he just wants me to try and get through it or something. My last dose change which was from 8mg to 6 mg wasn't that difficult for me. But for some reason this one has been. So I didn't get very far telling him what was going on. Hopefully soon things will change and it'll get easier.
How is everyone doing?
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nannamom
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Humor : Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. -Christopher Reeve
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PostSubject: Re: New Member   Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:40 pm

Hi Deanna
Your doctor will probably wait until you level our before he drops you down again on your dose. At least that is what he should do.
If you are uncomfortable stopping your Suboxone, let him know.
If you want to stay on Suboxone for maintenance let him know that. See if you can make an appointment to go in and talk to him. Is the doctor your regular primary care doctor or is he primarily for Suboxone Treatment?

I know I must sound like a broken record but I hate to see someone feel the way your are now. Especially when you were feeling good at your previous dose. There is nothing wrong with staying on suboxone for life if necessary.
But there is something wrong with making someone stop taking a medication when they are not ready. This should be your decision.
Please talk to your doctor.
I will keep you in my prayers,
Dee

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"I will let yesterday end so that today can begin."
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bfye

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Humor : There is no room in your heart for anger when you are filled with gratitude.
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PostSubject: Re: New Member   Wed 27 Jan 2010, 11:02 pm



Hello Deanna,
How are you feeling today? I am sorry that your doctor did not even give you the chance to explain to him how you are & have been feeling on your current dosage. As an addiction doctor, I would think it to make more sense to keep your patient from experiencing these withdrawal feelings, which could in turn, could potentially cause relapse. Not that I expect that from you at all- I am speaking hypothetically from the doctors view. If you find that you are not doing well at this dosage & are scared to continue to drop, maybe you want to get a second opinion...? I hope that you really do adjust well at your current dosage & can continue to taper off of them, but if not, please do not beat yourself up over it, as there are many of us who will most likely remain on Suboxone for life. And that IS okay because we are nothing like the person that we were while using- WE ARE IN RECOVERY! If you were diagnosed with diabetes, a disease without a cure, but can be controlled by a medication, would your doctor want to take you off your insulin after a certain period of time? I think not! And addiction has been labeled a disease by the AMA, so therefore I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why someone who is successfully remaining in remission would be required to go off the medication that controls their disease?!?!? I do not think that your doctor has the right to tell you that you are healed within a year's time. I believe that it an individual process! You have to be the one who speaks up for yourself, as no one else can do that for you, but I hope that you do not feel pushed off the medication before you are ready Deanna! I can tell you a great(?) story about this very incident, if you are interested in hearing about it, send me a PM (Private Message) at the top of the screen all the way to the right side & my user name is BFye. I understand your struggle!
Also, you had asked how everyone else was doing & I appreciated that you were concerned about the other members, as that also includes me. I am having a decent day. My "hubby" didn't have to work today, so he hung around the house with me & the kiddos (we have a 2 year old, a 3 year old & a 14 year old!) today & then took the 2 younger kids out to the farm, while my oldest daughter & I went to my counseling session. I go every Wednesday night to my appointment with her & she always helps me feel better! Tonight was the first tiime that I have ever taken anyone along, but going through her teenaged years & some of the ups & downs that go along throughout those years are difficult to deal with, on both of our parts. I want to lock her in her room & purchase a "fool proof" chasity belt, but I understand that this is the age that the boys are going to be around, but it literally scares the poop out of me! We are trying to reach a "happy medium" & really I don't think that I am doing too badly. At least that is what my counselor continued to remind me -kids absolutely need boundaries & these days more than ever! I am certainly setting them, but I also do not want her to rebel against me & lie to me & exclude me from what she is truly feeling inside, so I constantly feel like I am walking a tight rope while dealing with her. She is a wonderful young lady. She has a 3.75 GPA for the past year & the first 2 grading periods of this year as well. I just want to keep her on the "right path" for a successful life & with my own problems, as well as her biological father being broken by alcoholism, I also speak to her often about addiction & how easily it can happen & that she is prone to it by genetics, so she needs to be aware of the consequences that addiction causes. I have also taken her to a few meetings with me for her to hear other stories about what good people have struggled through & how far they have come today. I am sure that by now your wondering why in the heck you asked how everyone was doing, but I am the rambler, I already know & I am sorry to talk your ear off!
I will close this up for now & look forward to hearing from you again soon Deanna!
Love,
Beth
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