Suboxone: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

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 WELCOME FAD!

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samigirl56

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PostSubject: WELCOME FAD!   Wed 19 May 2010, 5:35 pm

Welcome FAD to "The Light At The End Of The Tunnel"

My name is Cathy and I been on Suboxone for almost 2 years now. This medication saved my life and I am so Thankful for that. Towards the end of my active addiction I wouldn't even get out of bed. I just wanted to die. I couldn't stand being in active addiction much longer. Then finally I tried Suboxone and along with aftercare my life has really turned around.

We have two moderators here. Their names are Dee and Barbara and they have been in recovery for alot of years. They are educated in both Suboxone and recovery. So if you have any questions just ask away. They will help you with anything that you might need. If you need to vent or need support we are here for you.

Again FAD, Welcome! I hope you will take the time to explore this forum and we hope to hear from you soon.

Cathy
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FAD



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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Wed 19 May 2010, 8:33 pm

Thanks so much Cathy! I am going into my 9th week on Subs -- taking 24 mgs a day. While 9 weeks sounds like a long time, I feel like I just started and have so much to learn. My story is probably similar to so many! I was addicted to opiates for about 10 years. Started when I gave birth to my second child and blew out my back -- I have 2 bulging disks. The last 4 years have been the worst -- I was taking over 10/10mgs of percocet, 50mg fentanyl patch and valium (just to round things out!). I would blow though my 120 percocets in less than 10 days, use the patch and then buy tramadol until I could get my next prescription. My husband didn't know about my addiction, was completely in the dark. When he found out 9 weeks ago he was furious. I had to do the detox/induction bymyself. He could barely talk to me.

We have 2 children -- 13 yrs and 10 yrs... Great kids. We have a wonderful home and a great life -- except for this addiction problem.... AGH..... I have a great job. I shouldn't need the opiates!

Anyway, the subs have changed my life! I don't have any cravings -- nothing. I think my biggest problem is that I seem to need a large dose of the subs. Really, I think I could go to 32 mgs but don't want to. The dosing seems to be my biggest problem right now. I have an appt. with my therapist on Monday so I am going to talk to her about my dose.

Really, though things are very good. While my husband has somewhat forgiven me he refuses to talk about my addiction. I feel awful that he won't talk to me about it. I realize that I have betrayed him, but he should want to talk! I have tried to get him to go to the doctors with me. But he won't.

Any advice on dosing or husbands would be greatly appreciated.... I have to say that this is such a nice, warm forum. I love the fact that I was welcomed! Thank you again. All the best. FAD
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FAD



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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Wed 19 May 2010, 8:55 pm

Oh dear.... I just started reading through the forum. Was this too much information? I am hoping to be here for a long time so I will learn the ropes soon......Thanks, FAD
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nannamom
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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Wed 19 May 2010, 9:39 pm



Hello FAD,
It is great to have you here with us. I see that you have already met our wonderful Cathy. Isn't she just a gem? If it weren't for her, I don't know what I would do. Really, she has helped me welcome new members as well as keeping up with her own recovery. Plus a host of other things.
I guess I should introduce myself to you before I go on and on.
My name is Dee and I am one of the moderators of the forum, I also work on our Suboxone Assisted Treatment website publishing the News Updates and whatever I can get myself into around here.
I like to try and stay busy but helping people is what I love.
When I first went into recovery, I had no clue what addiction was about. All I knew was that I was an addict. Plain and simple. I thought I was one of the worst people around. Well, you know the drill.
I entered into recovery on July 17th 2002, and have tried not to look back. But sometimes it is hard.
Not hard to stay away from opiates but hard to keep from beating myself up over the past. I have been a Suboxone patient for the last four years, before I started Suboxone I was a MMT patient. Being able to take a medication to help me manage my addiction has been a life saver.
I started taking pain pills when I was very young and would always stop only to start over again. In 1996 I had three failed back surgeries and that led to more pain pills, my doctor finally cut me off after years of medicating me and there I was no pills and still in pain. I started injecting Heroin in between pills. To sum it up, I was one huge mess.

Give your husband some time. I would imagine he is somewhat confused right now. You said he didn't know anything of your addiction. He is probably wondering how he missed it. But we addicts are smart, and we are sneaky. Too much for our own good.
He will come around, I promise.
He will come to the point to where he will have questions. When he does, be honest with him. Don't' be afraid of the truth. It may not be pretty but it is always better to start your recovery with truth than a lie. A lie is something that will need to be covered up over and over again.

I wouldn't worry too much about your dose right now. How do you feel at your current dose? Are you taking your dose all at once in the morning or are you split dosing throughout the day. I ask because some provider do have their patients split dose in the beginning.
But sometimes it is easier to break the cycle of past using behavior if you are able to take it once a day. You are still early in your recovery, and it may take your body awhile to adjust or settle in on a dose. How often do you have to see your provider? The best thing that you can do is talk to him/her and tell them exactly how you feel. If you feel that you may need more then tell them. Do not be afraid to talk to your doctor. Believe me they have heard it all.

You mentioned that you have two children, did they know about your using? I have one son at home and he just turned 17 last weekend. Is stopped using when he was 10 but he lived most of his life seeing things I thought he would never see or remember. But he does.
Children are very perceptive, so much more than we give them credit for.

As I said before it is great to have you here with us. Right now you really do need support and we are here to give it to you. If you need anything or have any questions, please don't hesitate to let us know. We will do what we can to help you find the answers you are looking for. Please visit our Suboxone Assisted Treatment website. The url is www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org the website is a wealth of information. There is a lot to be learned and most of what you will need is on that site. If you are looking for something in particular let me know. I will see what I can do to find it for you.
Congratulations on your recovery, Your going to make it!!
Yours in Recovery,
Dee


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FAD



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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Thu 20 May 2010, 8:53 am

Dear Dee,
What a wonderful hello! It is so nice to know that you and Cheryl are out there -- ready to answer any questions...... Just to answer a few of yours......

Dosing: I take the Suboxone throughout the day. No real schedule yet, I take halves (4mgs) whenever I feel stressed or anxious -- which I am very worried about.I need to take it at a set time. And am going to speak to the doctor about that -- I see her on Monday.....

Thanks very much for the advice on my husband. It is funny because we talk about everything else -- just not my adiction! AGH...... He just doesn't want to talk about it...

As far as my kids -- my son is 10 and my daughter is 13. I have no idea if they noticed or not. It's funny because I say to myself that I was fine throughout the 10 years of addiction. That I was actually a better mom on the drugs! Isn't that crazy? How could that possibly be? I was able to function, go to work, take care of the kids, I was a super mom..... No one knew.... Or did they? I really want to ask them what they saw -- but my husband refuses to let me speak to them about it which I find irritating but am going along with his wish as I have put him through the wringer....

As I mentioned I am seeing my doctor on Monday, but also have set up a meeting with a therapist for once a week. I start seeing her tomorrow which I am thrilled about. My next goal will be to find a group to go to.

Thanks for listening to me ramble! I really appreciate it. Best, FAD
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samigirl56

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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Thu 20 May 2010, 3:18 pm

Hello FAD, I am so glad you met Dee, She has a wealth of information and experince to share.

As for how you dose. I was told by my provider to dose once a day to get out of the habit of dosing when I felt stressed or uncomfortable. When you are only dosing when you are stressed that is your addiction playing games with you. On the other hand if you feel any cravings or withdrawal talk to you doctor like Dee mention that way he can raise your dose. It took me awhile to stop dosing everytime I felt stressed. Dee came up with a really good idea she might have mention it already but if you feel a strong urge to take a pill take a Vitamin instead. It has worked for me.

As for your Hubby- He just doesn't understand yet. Give him some time. I am not married but I am living with my boyfreind of 8 years. He also was very upset. But I was worst than you I was stealing painpills from my boyfriend to help feed my addiction because my RX'S would run out in a week. It took alot of work to build the trust back into the relationship. We went to couple's counseling and he read as much as he could about addiction. He couldn't understand that he can take a painpill and just leave it at that but I couldn't do it because one was never enough.

Ok, enought of going on about myself. I am so happy that you joined us! I promise things will get better with time and aftercare. I hope you are enjoying your day. Dee will touch base with you alittle later on. She had some errands to do today.

Again FAD I am so pleased that you are here!

Cathy
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FAD



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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Thu 20 May 2010, 3:39 pm

Hi Cathy,
How great to "meet" you as well..... And I wouldn't say you are "worse than me!" -- I stole pain pills from whoever I could! My father, my mother, aunts, uncles, neighbors, friends.... It was absolutely appalling. Oh and please feel free to go on about yourself -- I love hearing others stories.... It makes me feel like I am not alone. Wow, I cringe when I think of how horrible I was when it came to getting my drugs.....

Oh and I think you are so right about once a day dosing! I really need to work on this one. It is definitely my old addictions playing havoc on my brain.... And I don't want to worry about running out. I will talk to my therapist about it tomorrow.

It is so nice to hear from all of these people. I feel truly blessed..... I will update you all on what happens with my therapist -- who is not my doctor... My doctor requires that I see a therapist once a week so tomorrow is my first week. Long story as I told you all that I am in my 9th week on subs.

When I first went on the subs I found a doctor whose only requirement was once a month visits and I probably would have kept her -- but she didn't take my insurance. My husband insisted I find someone in our plan which was easy. But the first doctor would have been a whole heck of a lot easier -- once a month, pay $120 and get the subs for a month...... I am sure that would have back fired!

My new doctor who takes my insurances requires monthly visits and bi-monthly drug screens, plus weekly therapy appts. with a therapist. So while the first doc would have been great this second one is probably better for me and my habits. Now in reading about subs I see that there are people dosing for pain and addiction and why they take it throughout the day... I am laughing as I convinced myself that this was why I was taking them throughout the day! Really, I am devious..... And also guilt ridden. Okay I better go -- enough rambling. I need to go to a meeting. Thanks so much! I will check in later. Thank YOU All!
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nannamom
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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Fri 21 May 2010, 12:22 am

Hi FAD,
I apologize for not being here earlier today, I had an appointment that last most of the day and by the time I got back in town I was really beat. After I finish up here I am heading off to bed.

It's not easy to break that cycle of taking pills when we think "we need them." I think what helped me was that I was a Methadone patient for four years before starting Suboxone. I went to the clinic daily, every day seven days a week. I did not get take homes as I was afraid that I would abuse them. Take a little bit extra out here and there and then I'd be without until my next take home pick up. See I knew the way my mind would work.
But going to the clinic everyday at the same time of day helped me to get onto a routine that worked for me.

There are some people that do take their Suboxone for pain as well as their addiction and those people do take them throughout the day, every 4-6 hours. Just like a short acting opioid.
I have found that with Suboxone less is more. It may not make sense to you yet, but I think after you have had time to settle in on the dose that is right for you, you will see what I mean.
One of the most important things to remember is that even though we are all the same in so many ways, we are all still different in so many ways.
What works for me may not work for you and visa versa.

I agree with you about the second doctor. I think this is the best doctor for you. The first doctor sounds like one that really didn't care as long as they got their money. Now this second one sounds like they know what they are doing. If you would have stayed with the first doctor and had been able to get your months supply of Suboxone at one time, I would imagine that still being in early recovery you may have run out of your medication before it was time to see the doctor again and then you would have been in the same boat as before.
It gets better though.
There will be a day where you will be able to look back and see how far you have come.

What might help interest your husband in learning about addiction is for you to get some information and leave it where he can see it. I know he doesn't want you to talk to your children about it, I think that in time that will change as well. I hope so, they need to know what is going on with their mom. But take it slow. Give hubby time. He will come around.

Always know that if you ever need to talk we are here. If I'm not here Cathy is. And Barbara also will be around when she is able. I know you haven't met her yet. But you will soon, she works a lot, way more that she should and I tell her that all of the time. But she has always been a worker and I don't think she can slow down.
Okay I can hear mny bed calling my name so I am off of here before I fall asleep at these keys.
Dee

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FAD



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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Fri 21 May 2010, 12:18 pm

Hi Dee,
Thanks so much for writing back and providing such great feedback. I went to see my therapist today for the first time and I really like her. We are going to work on my issues of dosing. I am hoping to have this worked out in the next week or so... Or at least that is my goal.

I think you are so right in that I need to dose once, possibly twice a day. That is what I am working toward right now...... I also like your idea of leaving information for my husband. I will give that a shot.

So I have a question for all of you -- how does this forum work? Are you all working for this website? Or are you volunteers? Whatever it is -- I love it! It is online support 24/7!!!! Fantastic..... Thanks, FAD
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samigirl56

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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Fri 21 May 2010, 4:49 pm

Hi FAD, I am so glad you like your therapist. I had to go thru a couple of them before the one I have now. I been seeing her for almost 2 years now.

As for how the forum works Dee with explain that to you. But I started out as a member and I volunteer on here when Dee is busy with the other websites or she needs to do errands. You haven't met Barbara yet but she is the other moderator. She has been really busy with work plus she weaned herself off of the Suboxone about 4 months ago. I am sure when she gets a chance she will pop in to say hi.

I hope you are enjoying your day. It is pretty warm here for NY in May but I love it.

Have a great evening!

Cathy
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nannamom
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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Fri 21 May 2010, 9:42 pm



Hi FAD
I'll try to answer your question about our organization as best as I can.
The creator of this forum is Deborah Shrira, she is a wonderful lady. She is currently a Methadone patient, her story is on our Methadone website. Medical Assisted Treatment of America Inc.
We have one other website that one if for Suboxone information. Both websites contain information about addiction as well.

Check them out,
www.medicalassistedtreatment.org
www.suboxoneassistedtreatment.org

Deborah started the Methadone website in 2004. She wanted to educate people on the subject of addiction and Methadone, she wanted to dispel the myths of Methadone treatment. She wanted to try and get rid of some f the stigma that is attached to addiction.

After the website for Methadone. The drug Suboxone was approved and she decided to also create a website for the education of Suboxone. That is Suboxone Assisted Treatment.
This forum is attached to the Suboxone website.

We also have a Methadone forum and our moderator over there is RuthAnn. Who is a Methadone patient. I work on both forums as well as the Suboxone Website.
Back in 2008 Deborah had an employee that worked for her on her old forum and website, but the woman decided that she wanted to go on her own which is fine, great. But when she did, she told a lot of lies about Deborah, hurtful lies. She tried to and succeeded somewhat is taking the patients away from Deborah.
She even told me that if I wanted to remain her friend I couldn't be a member of Deborah's forum any longer, I had to be her friend and hers alone. It didn't take me long to make my decision. ( a matter of seconds)

Deborah didn't know what to do. Here she was her friend had turned her back on her. She decided to close down her websites and forums. She didn't want to go on any longer.
That is where Barbara comes in, she was a member of the forum. She convinced Deborah to open a new forum and keep the websites up.
Barbara and I both came to work as volunteer moderators.
And have been with Deborah ever since.

Since the opening of this forum, I have learned to work on the main website and now publish the News_updates for Suboxone each month. Well I try for each month but sometimes to be honest there is so much to be done. I also answer emails from patients seeking treatment with suboxone.

Barbara works a full time job so she is here when she is able.
I am here most days including weekends and holidays, I believe that people need help not only during the week but always.

Cathy has been a godsend to me. She has been a member of the forum for almost two years? (I think.)
She is a wonderful lady whose knowledge of Suboxone is growing more by the day. We try to be like family here. We do not allow any one to judge, ridicule of make fum of any of our members. We fully support the use of Suboxone and Methadone both.
Recovery is not a one stop fix and every-one's treatment is different.

Medical Assisted Treatment of America Inc. is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. The success of the website depends on Tax deductible donations and grants when they are available. Deborah is our CEO.
Our President of the company is Mr.Dean Vereen.
The organization is located in the State of Georgia, I live in Vermont and Barbara is in Florida.

We welcome all of our members to post when they are able. If you see anything that you want to comment on or feel like you can relate to it, then by all means please comment. You are also allowed to welcome the new members as well.
The way we see it, the more that participate in the forum the better.

There are a couple of things we don't allow, and they are the posting of links to other websites and/or forums. If you know of a website worth mentioning you can send it to me in a pm and I will check it out and bring it to Deborah's attention. We have a resources link section on the website.
We also don't allow swearing. It is offensive to other members and un called for.
There is a list of our rules here:
http://suboxone.activebb.net/moderator-announcements-f10/the-forum-s-general-rules-t195.htm

If I have left anything out or if you have any question please let me know.
It is so good to have you here with us.
Dee

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FAD



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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Sat 22 May 2010, 12:49 pm

Dear Cathy and Dee,
WOW, what drama.... It is everywhere you know..... I see it all the time, but never understand it... Just have no idea why people can't get along - you know? I am so sorry that you had to go through such drama! When everyone was just trying to help..... I am thrilled that Barbara convinced Deborah to keep going. Thanks!

So I just have to say that I am so happy today! I just got back from shopping with my 13 year old -- she is going to a party today and we needed to buy a present for her friend. I am going to the movies today with my husband and 10 year old son.... My husband and I are trying to make things works.... He still won't talk about my addiction, or my therapist, or my treatment... But he will talk about other things so I guess I am okay for now.... I am the luckiest person! I have a fabulous family, a beautiful home, a great life really -- I didn't lose anything. I hear scary stories about people who lost it all and I am grateful to my husband for finding the drugs and refusing to speak to me until I found help......

I am going to post a thread on the other section regarding my dosage and see if other people are experiencing similar problems.... I am just having a really hard time with how much/when I should dose..... I know you all have given me some great advice.... I working on it!

Thanks so much.... Have a great day! FAD
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FAD



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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Tue 25 May 2010, 8:48 am

Hello ~
I noticed that no one has logged on for a few days and I just wanted to check in and make sure everyone is okay?
Peace, FAD
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nannamom
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PostSubject: Re: WELCOME FAD!   Tue 25 May 2010, 7:05 pm




Hi FAD,
I'm here. I did see your post from the other day, I didn't respond to it because I didn't want to appear to be monopolizing the forum.
I too have noticed though that it has been quiet around here lately.
That is the way it is around here. Sometimes we have so many people posting that it is hard to keep up with who said what, then we have times like these where it is so quiet you could literally hear a pin drop.

How are things going with you?
I have to say that I agree with you about the drama, everywhere you go there is going to be drama but we try to keep it off of the forum. When I posted about what went on before with the old forum I wasn't trying to dredge up the past but give a history of who and how we came to be.

So tell me, how did the movies go the other day? What did you see? My other half and I try to get a date night in every now and then, not as often as we like but we do try. It is nice to be able to do something that doesn't evolve itself around taking pills.
Before recovery I would absolutely have to make sure I had enough of whatever it was that would make me feel good that day. I hated the thought of spending anytime with anyone unless I had my "comfort zone" going on.
Now instead of planning my days around pills, I can do whatever, go to the movies, family event or just take a walk and feel good about it. That is how I get my feel good these days, by knowing that I don't need to rely on a drug to make my day.
Thanks for checking in FAD.
Yours in Recovery,
Dee

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